Am I The Crazy One

My husband is a great guy, then all of a sudden he is angry,and name calling, then becomes violent.  He says to everyone that I am the crazy one.  I find bottles of vodka and he likes to pop pills too.  I dont know sober anymore.  i remember the days when he used to tell me he loved me and that I was beautiful.  I battled breast cancer and he never missed a chemo appointment.  When our son was born he was the happiest man in the world and a great father.  Where did my happiness go?  The bottom of a bottle.

Most recently I had to call the police on him because he went to far and my kids dont need the bs.  There is now a order of protection and I told the DA I wanted him in rehab not jail.  Now he is turning the whole situation around to make it look like I am the problem.  I am at my wits end.  I know that I have to move on and put the mental and emotional rollercoaster behind me but its so hard spent many years with this man.  He is mandated to a program but to be honest its probly not going ot help because he doesnt want to be there.

This is my life and it really stinks why do i feel so guilty.  I am not the one with the problem.  I take marriage very seriously and he pulled me through cancer probly saved my life and now I want to return the favor.  Am I crazy for wanting to help him when he treats me so badly now.
deejay1214 deejay1214
36-40, F
2 Responses May 9, 2012

I'm so sorry. I understand your dilemma very well. My husband is an alcoholic too. I have had to deal with the Dr. Jekyll - Mr. Hyde syndrome, police intervention and a general confusion of how to feel. <br />
I understand that you still love him, because it's not the normal progression people go through before they separate. It's the alcoholism that is dictating the path your on. You think things are going okay, and then before you know it, he's drunk & angry, thus starting a situation that gets out of everyone's control. <br />
I used to be in complete shock when I heard my husband try to explain certain crazy situations to people. Somehow, in his mind he would always bring it back to be my fault. I truly hated that. I didn't have the time or gumption to try to explain the whole story to everyone that we knew, and honestly I'm sure they didn't want to hear it. But it bothered me that even one person might believe him. <br />
How could he not see that he had a problem? Why would he create this lie to cover up his obvious lack of control, but he never took responsibility or acknowledged his alcoholism. <br />
You did an amazing thing for him. By requesting that he get treatment over jail, you have given him an option. To help himself or not. Now it is completely up to him. If he doesn't want to get the help, don't look back. It is an emotional roller coaster & you were smart enough to get you and your son off. <br />
You survived breast cancer. That is incredible & I'm glad that he was there for you. You deserve to find true happiness and to live a life that you was almost taken from you. <br />
There is no quick fix, no quick clarity & no way to fix him by yourself. <br />
As weird as this may sound, I admire you for having the courage to take a stand. Good luck to you and your son!

Hi Deejay,<br />
You are not crazy, the disease is. My husband is the same way. I don't know sober anymore. He gets angry and incoherent. This is a very taxing disease. By making us seem like we are the crazy ones they are denying the disease.<br />
<br />
You have no reason to feel guilty, you offered him help by requesting that he go to treatment. He may have been a wonderful source of support when you were ill, but the disease destroys that person. My son made a comment today, he said THAT Man doesn't love us. He didn't mean his father, the sober one, he meant the person he turned into. <br />
<br />
The fact that you suggested treatment indicates caring. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.