Just A Day He Said Down To The Flask In His Fist...

I have known my husband for 2 years. I met him when I was 22 and he (24) liked drinking socially, as did I. I was still in that phase in my life. But after a few months I began wanting more out of my life then what I had. I worked at McDonalds, didn't have a car,was in debt because of my school loans, and I still hadn't finished school. And when I found out that we were expecting that fact became even more urgent.

Throughout my pregnancy I walked to and from work everyday and worked 8+ hour days. Something that I never minded because I was doing it for my daughter and for my husband so they could have a better life then we did then. But even through my efforts we still never had money. Always paying our bills late. Where was all of our money going? Alcohol.

He would borrow money from his mom and tell me when I would get my check that his mom needed to borrow $70 dollars or $100. Money that I thought we would see again because it was rent money only to find out that she didn't borrow it...I was paying her back for money I didn't even know we had gotten. And it wasn't just going on with his mom but with his siblings as well. He pawned our XBOX which at the time was our only form of entertainment. He sold a bunch of movies of mine including one he had gotten me for my birthday...all for only $5. With our taxes I bought him a Playstation 2 for his birthday and 2 months later he sold that too.

The only things we had for our daughter was the things that we had gotten from other people [which was mostly his family who throw it back in my face every chance they get] all because our money was going to alcohol. We didn't even have money for food half of the time and I would invite ourselves over for dinner at my mom's house and go "pantry shopping."

Every time he would get drunk he would tell me that it was the last time and that he was sorry. And I love him so much and I want our daughter to have both of her parents, so every time I forgave him.

I thought that after our daughter was born he would stop but he didn't. It got even worse to where we had to move into his parents guest house...which was a studio without a kitchen. His drinking caused problems between him and my family and my daughter has never meet my family as a result. His drinking has caused problems with me and his family and they act like it's my fault. "He wasn't an alcoholic before he met you." And not to mention that not having my mom, a car, and having to live with them forced me to receive help from his family, which again has been thrown back in my face more times then I can count.

When we got our taxes this past February we finally got a place of our own. My daughter got her own room. And things were finally falling into place. We were supposed to get a car but the rest of our money ran out quickly. So quickly that we were broke by the time we had to make our first rent payment and pay our first bills. Because we had "extra" money, buying alcohol was ok to him. But, as always, it went to far.

Last week was his birthday and every day since then he has been buying 'a beer' [which is really 2 40's] and the last few days he has been buying vodka. Today I discovered 5 empty vodka bottles in my trash [I only knew about 2] and asked him where they came from. First he said "i don't know." Then he said, "must have been from a while ago." Then he claimed that he found them while he was cleaning and threw them away which is a damn lie because I COMBED the house for hidden bottles and threw them all out days before. Then when he finally was backed into a corner he got hostile and said, "You should be asking yourself why I do this. If you were a better woman I wouldn't have to drink." He keeps saying that we have money but when I asked him where he put it because it's not in his wallet he sends me on a wild goose chase through out the hose of places where it could be before getting really pissed that I'm asking him to show it to me and offended that I don't trust him.

I get that the nagging doesn't help but can I honestly be blamed for that? I have tries everything. I have threatened to leave...he doesn't care. I have dumped his bottles...he just goes and gets more. I have tried loving him and holding in things that bother me so I wouldn't add any stress to him trying to quit...he just hides it from me. I have tried yelling at him and telling him that drinking a whole bottle of vodka by yourself is disgusting...But the drinking is always my fault.

Now I'm 24. He's 26.Our daughter is almost 1. We still don't have a car. I still walk to and from work in 90+ degree weather. We are 2 months behind on our bills and have to have welfare pay our electric so they don't shut it off. We sometimes don't have money to buy diapers so I have to borrow them from my friends with babies. We have to go to the laundry mat to wash our clothes but we never have enough money to go wash them so we have been going without clean clothes for 2 weeks. We go without tp every week because we don't even have a dollar for the cheap stuff. And because of all of this I am so afraid to start school [something I have been putting off for a year] again because that would just be another expense that I know we won't be able to afford.

I have completely put my life on hold for the past 2 years trying to make this work. I don't know how long I can do this. And now I'm having an anxiety attack because he's at the store and I know he'll either buy another bottle or steal one.
246chrism 246chrism
1 Response May 19, 2012

I am soooo sorry to hear of your situation. I can say, because of experience, he will drag you down until you are homeless. You can get free childcare if you enroll in school and you can get aid for you and your daughter if you leave him. You have tried your very best. You have tried and nothing has worked. He will continue to blame you and bring you down. You're still so young, and your whole life is ahead of you. It's time for you to take care of yourself and your daughter. Only you know if what I'm suggesting is right for you, but from what you've written, please consider what I'm saying. If you can, I would go to the welfare office and prepare. Fill out the forms and get the ball rolling so you will have a safe place when you decide to tell him that you're leaving. <br />
Please, for your sake and your daughters sake. You don't have to put up with any of this abuse from him or the family. It's simply wrong. I know its hard to make sense of all of it when you're in the situation, but there is a better life for you and your daughter. It's within your reach, you just have to take a leap of faith. I wish you all the best!