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There's A First Time For Everything

Like the first time you realized he drank just a little too much. You gave him a pass because it happens to all of us from time to time.

Or when it finally hit you that he was near wasted every time he drove you home. But everyone was always a little tipsy on Friday and Saturday nights and you always made it home.

You were suspicious the first time one of his stories didn't add up. You figured maybe you were just over-analyzing so you let it go.

Remember the first time you caught him using your computer to connect with other people on adult sites? You figured it was a one time thing and he promised he'd never do it again. But he always did it again, in one form or another.

And then you married him. Looking back, you knew it wouldn't go well unless you "wanted" to be in a sexless marriage with an alcoholic, a liar & a cheat.

That first time you shut down emotionally after you got blamed for his bad mood/his excessive drinking/his inability to be intimate with you was rough, to say the least. You thought you couldn't sink much lower. But you did. Over time it wasn't just moments of emotional shut down, it was days, weeks, months. He had broken you. You used to stand up for yourself before all the walking on eggshells bullshit started. You were strong and independent but not anymore.

The first time you noticed his patterns was a real eye-opener. He'd pull away, berate, blame, get wasted. The order didn't matter but you always knew something was up. You knew what to look for and you always caught him red-handed. Then he'd start bargaining.

Time and time again, you were right back in the same spot. Always catching him in a lie about booze, where he was, who he was with, etc. After all those confrontations came professions of love and devotion and repentance. You can only believe someone wants to change, wants to be a better person so many times. You believed him until you realized he was just crying wolf.

You started thinking you couldn't take it anymore. The first time you said "**** my life" aloud, alone, it felt liberating and hopeless all at once. You went on to say it thousands of times. You think of ways to leave, never fully committing. You think about the future. About how horrible your life would be if it kept up this way for the next 20+ years.

After catching him being a sneaky, sleazy, lying bastard, AGAIN, he tries to start anew. Broken record. Dead horse. Or is it? He seems focused, committed, finally able to face his demons. He has daily epiphanies and espouses loyalty, fidelity and honesty. You wonder is it too little too late.

Who knows where it goes from here. So many chances to get it right gone terribly wrong.
prettyeffedup prettyeffedup 31-35, F 3 Responses Jun 27, 2012

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ditto. you speak my language and my life, exactly.

I really can't take this anymore. And honestly why should I? Everyday is a new day for us to start again. But I've stopped loving myself. I've sacrificed my career, moved 1000 miles away from my family, lost track of my goals in life, picked up a very bad habit of being angry at him. I still have a lot to loose. Recently On several occasions I have begun to just join him. And then I feel even worst about the situation. Recently I put the settings on his phone to "notify sender that you've read their text message. " so when ever I send him a text I'm notified that he opened his phone and read it. Also I activated a tracking device on his phone so I know where he is at at all times. By doing this I had to face the ugly truth that he lies to me CONSTANTLY! And I mean <#%!•|!!~ constantly! You know I always had a feeling he was lowing and making up **** but noooo I would give him the Benoit of the doubt every time. And I mean every time. So much that I had to do what I had to do and put that activation on his phone. I suggest every one do it. Just don't let them know.

I've been married a short 18 months. I noticed he drank a bit too much when I would come home and he would be drunk again. Dam 18 months of dedication for what in return? As I'm writing this he is passed out on the stairs up to our apartment. Its so humiliating to know all our neighbors see him like this night after night. ( he always tells me not to put any of our business out there) but dam.... How does a person deal with this? I'm tired of crying, wondering why, blaming him, blaming myself. But at the same time I am frozen. I know that nobody is going to rescue me from this and that only I can do something for myself to change my situation. Sure there is Alanon. Groups, meetings, rehab, medication, hospitals.... Keep trying. Sure okay. That's what he says I'm trying. I guess I wrote this because I'm despretly seeking an answer, so now I've turned to the Internet for the answers

i am going through the same thing? has your situation changed? my man is now trying to get help and he has been of the drink now for 8 days but will this last ? i have kicked him outa the house for a wake up call so he can change for his family he wants to move back in but its only been ten day when do i know the time is ight and will he ever change?????????????????

Below is my latest entry. Only you know what's right for you. Just start asking yourself questions. http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Married-To-An-Alcoholic/3212128