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I Am So Sad That Alcohol Is Ruining Our Lives

Its been really interesting reading the stories here. Until now I had not understood that the unreasonable rages that alcoholics go in to are so common. I don't know how I missed this, but the first time my husband's drinking got out of control I was so emotionally destroyed that I just couldn't face reading up about it on the internet.

This time I am stronger and I have told my husband to go to rehab or I am leaving. I hope that he will choose me over the booze, but even if he does I am not sure I will stay. There are many other problems in our marriage and the booze is just at the top of the pile for now.

The main reason I doubt the ability to stay is that I do not think I will ever be able to trust him again to not hurt me. He has never hurt me physically, but the emotional beatings I have taken have left their mark. The terrible, vicious and hurtful things he has said to me when in a vodka-induced rage are still sitting in my head and I have not been able to erase them. Of course he cannot even remember saying these things so if I bring them up with our marriage councellor he just says I am being ridiculous and that he would never think or say that! But just because he can't remember does not mean that I am able to forgive or forget. All those things he said HURT!!!

I am also reading up on co-dependancy as I suspect that has a large part to play in all of this and if so then I have to take responsibility for than and change my own behaviour!

In the meantime I am waiting to hear back from him, will he go get help, or will he come up with an excuse?
NeedingToVent NeedingToVent 36-40, F 3 Responses Sep 17, 2012

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I think I am getting to the end of my tolerance. He has so many excuses and I am so f--ked up over the alcohol issue that I am not behaving properly either. I have a hard-line in my head that does not allow me to accept anything less than total sobriety. He has not had a drink in a month, but on Friday night he had 2 glasses of wine. For me this is total failure and I cannot accept it. I have been to one Al-Anon meeting and a CODA meeting, but that acceptance that they all speak of is a far distant goal at this stage. I am hurt and furious and p-issed off that I have developed a problem because of his drinking! I just want to chuck in everything and run away.

Just as an update, I am trying Al Anon meetings. Went to my first one last night.

Dear EP user, kindly have patience in this matter. When a person is heavily drunk, he or she does not realize or know what he or she is doing. They wake up the next day and inquire or wait for complains to see if they have done anything wrong. I understand words can take their toll on a person's mind and soul, but he is your husband and deserves a 'second chance'. I know you will say, I've already given him so many chances and he has betrayed my trust at each and every of the given chances. I understand that it takes really strong will power and realization to let go of this awful habit. I would suggest you to make him realize what's at stake if he continues consuming alcohol. Kindly be patient with him and forgive him for the false things he has said when he was drunk. Be the better person, because marriage is sacred.