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Dr Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

It really seems like he is two different men. When he's sober he is a loving father, a creative mind, understandingand my best friend. If he were that man all the time I wouldn't have a complaint in the world.
When he drinks he can't stop. He drinks things he doesn't even like just because it has alcohol in it. Whole bottles of vodka, whiskey, tequila. It doesn't matter. And often he will drink that after going out and having several drinks with friends. I don't care if he goes out with friends or has a few beers. It's when he comes home after and continues drinking alone that the problems start. He becomes very dark and angry. He is down right scarey when he is drunk. He takes on a different persona and seems to truly believe he is that person. So far he has "been" Vic Mackey from the shield. Worst incident of that he intentionally burnt his hand on the electric oven top. Just placed it right on there. Tommy Gavin from rescue me. Johnny dep from fear and loathing and occasionally Keith Richards. It's always someone screwed up. He has flipped out and trashed a room. Broken pictures and throwing chairs. On several occasions he has hit me. Thankfully that has not happened in a long time. He never remembers any of it the next day. A lot of the time he tries to make up for it. More recently he has continued his mean words into the next day when he is sober.
He never says where he really is. Many times I have been in the bar parking lot next to his car. I'll call or text and he will say he is stuck in traffic.
He fabricated an affair. Or at least he says it's fabricated. He told multiple close friends of ours that he had been getting hand jobs from strippers. One of his friends told me this. At first my husband denied it then he said he did say it. His reasoning changed. First it was to "test" his friendships, then to make himself look like a legend, then he didn't know why. I don't really k ow what to believe there. But it seems like an aweful loaded lie to tell with so much to loose. He begged me not to go then he's back in the bottle, lying, drinking and telling me I'm a guest in "his" house! The house we bought together that I have towed the mortgage payments on for the last year while he is out of work!!! I hate who my husband is becoming. I don't want to leave the man he was and can be but, I don't know how to help him.
Littledreamer83 Littledreamer83 26-30, F 3 Responses Oct 21, 2012

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1inchat.....first of all anyone can be an alcoholic regardless of income. Second of all it's a bit rude to assume that because there are issues here we are somehow financially burdened? Never once in that whole thing did I make a reference to where or how I live. Frankly that's irrelevant and none of your business.

Your story is just like mine in so many ways. My ex is wealthy though but same story. I left him once even though I was still in lo e with him. I told him that we both had to stop drinking. I already was not drinking most of the time. He got me back with promises of a happy life together and marriage. We were together 7 years. Once he got me back he cheated on me. The girl never left! She's still there. When I found out he asked for 3 more days with her to have sex..... and then he would start marriage counseling so we could move forward and get married! I walked straight out the door. She stayed. They are still together 3.5 years later. I quit drinking the day he cheated. I've been through being the "guest" in my own home too. He kicked me out in the middle of the night, drunk. Said I couldn't take my Daughter with me. The police were called and they escorted my Daughter and I to a motel. That happened a couple of times. I don't speak to him ever. I have done counselling 2x a week for a year and a half. AA for 2.5 years. My Daughter started to abuse me verbally and physically. She attacked me, then charged me with abuse. I got criminally charged. She went into foster care. I passed all the investigations. Fought the charges. Sued the Ministry of social services, and won. Only to have my Daughter do it again 1 year later. This time I suffered a severe concussion. I have never recovered yet. I have a brain injury and whiplash. They say it may never go away. I have a hard time carrying anything, let alone a heavy handbag. My Daughter learned to bully me from him. She is angry. I feel she learned it from him. My criminal attorney is $600 an hour. Has been an attorney for 36 years maybe. He had predicted my Daughter would "do it again" and that we would be back in the system. He said she learned to abuse me and disrespect me from him. I suffer from PTSD and a brain injury now. I've lost about $80,000 in legal, loss of income. Unable to have anytime for anything but dealing with legal. The criminal charges twice. Foster care twice. Depression. Fear of the future. I don't drink. I'm always positive and hopeful. My Daughter lives in shared accommodation with a retired social worker I found. The Ministry determined she was a danger to me. Not the other way around. I no longer am responsible for her legally. The Ministry has set it up so I cannot be charged for abandonment. They pay for her rent. Medical. Some groceries. I get along with her pretty terrific now. Except when she flips and says she wishes I got raped because she's having a bad day..... I'm getting married now to a loving man who is not rich, but does not drink. He is not an alcoholic but doesn't drink; and hasn't for 12 years. He's a parole officer for the most dangerous criminals on supervision. Many have lifetime supervision. He doesn't drink because he's sick of seeing the crimes that the criminals commit under the influence. (Drugs and/or ) alcohol. I'm sick of it too. Many of my friends have gotten divorces from ex's who abuse drugs or alcohol. My fianc├ęs ex was a prescription drug addict. She did 3 months in jail. We have decided to marry and live a healthy happy drama free life taking care of ourselves and each other. We are leaving our past behind....sometimes easier said than done. One step at a time.
My faith in God is sometimes all I have. That and hope. It does get better if you just never give up. I never ever gave up. I know that problems are temporary if we never give up. Never give up. Only YOU have the power to change. A little every day is enough. As Einstein said: __________________

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. ~Albert Einstein
Good luck. Sometimes an inch forward is enough.....as long as it's forward. Soon it will be 2 inches. Then you will get momentum...... And start to walk. Then run!
Grab your life and run! Love to all. Much happiness.
God bless.