Trying Sobriety

So after months of fighting, beggin and crying. My husband has finally sat the bottle down. It's been 1 full month so far. His mood has not been perfect but he has been sober. We still have major issues to work out but this gives me a glimmer of hope. I still think he needs to go to AA. He needs to continue therapy in an honest way. (Not cheating and sayi g he's a social drinker) and there are def some trust issues I need to work on.
One thing I did differently:
I didn't talk about him. I talked about my mom. She is an alcoholic and I have not been in contact with her for 15 years. I said to my husband "you know I remember what she was like before she drank. I was really little but I remember her being thoughtful and loving. I remember the house always being clean and having food on the table. But then she met this friend who liked to drink but didn't like to drink alone. She came over more and more. My mom drank more ande more. She started caring less about everything. The way her home looked, the way she looked, and even her kids. The bad days became more frequent than the good days and she stoped buying food for the most part. There were lots of bottles if alcohol but no food. We couldn't do anything because if we cried about it she would hit us or lock me and my brother in the basement. Then she started going out in the middle of the night. I would wake up in the middle of the night and I couldn't find her! I would be terrified, I turned all the lights on and his in my room for hours. When the sun started coming up I ran next door to my grandmas house. It was very lonely growing up because even when she was there she wasn't really there. I felt all alone. As time went on she was more and more violent. I went to the hospital with a ruptured kidney and a fractured larynx. No one said a thing! I was once forced to sleep in the garage in my nightgown with wet hair in the middle if December. I was 8. I got phnumonia and was in the hospital for a good week. I remember I missed 14 days of school. The teachers never helped me. They ignored what they must have known was happening. I ran away when I was 14. I think it was the smartest thing I ever did. I can say with complete certainty that I do not love my own mother. I don't think she deserves love. She deserves to be alone and to drink herself to death alone.
I asked my husband what he thought of her. He basically agreed. Said she should have never had children. Then I asked him if he wanted our children to feel that way about him. If he wanted me to feel that way. At first he was mad that I compared him to her. But I told him if he ever really wanted to change he needs to hate that part of himself. You either hate it and defeat it or you succumb to it.
So one month sober. This is either the count down to another vender or something clicked?
Littledreamer83 Littledreamer83
26-30, F
2 Responses Nov 7, 2012

Hi honey. Your husband is what many call a "dry drunk." That is when someone is sober, but still acts in a similar way. I suggest you go to Al-Anon. It may help you out. :)

Littledreamer83, with all this going on around you, who loves and cares for you? Please take care of yourself first...

My thought has always been love isn't taken its given. I give my love with honestly and caution. My children give me a lot of strength comfort and unconditional love.