I Don't Understand..

Dear Husband,

I don't understand why you feel compelled to drink. You began drinking today before I was awake. How do I know this to be true? Because your hands don't shake whan you've been drinking.

I don't understand why you lie to me that you have been drinking. You are stumbling around the house slurring your words. Your thoughts are disorganized and you reek of alcohol. Your empties speak for themselves.

I don't understand why you save your empties.

I don't understand why you get so angry with me when you have been drinking. It seems that you sit and stew over some small injustice I may or maynot have committed so you are furious with me by the time I say good morning to you. I even now believe that you pick fights with me to justify your drinking.

I don't understand what is so bad about your life that you need to obliterate all traces of it by drinking. I have always been willing to listen to your problems. I do not judge. I truly care about you, remember? You used to tell me that I had a way of helping you see things differently. I still can but you will not let me.

I don't understand why you are willing to take your family on this downward spiral with you.

I don't understand why you are willing to do this to yourself.

I don't understand why you almost died as a result of your drinking once and are so willing to continue.

I just don't understand anything about your drinking at all.

amelia714 amelia714
46-50, F
6 Responses Dec 2, 2012

My husband does the same thing except he waits to start in the afternoon. He becomes energetic and very talkative at first then he is slurring, being negative about everything and on defensive with me. I think he wants to start arguments just to justify more drinking. My kids often miss their activities because he starts drinking and can't drive them (their activities always start before I get home from work). When he goes without drinking he is quiet, depressed and complains of boredom. For the last 3 years I have planned activities every weekend to keep him entertained but it hasn't stopped the drinking. He will just sneak it along and before I know it he's slurring. I am so exhausted and sad. We got married so young. It was 13 years ago and I'm only 31. I'm afraid this life will make me die young. I have to work so hard to make things good for my kids because I feel the need to compensate for their father's behavior. I have to live with my choices. All I can do is pray.

I just found this site tonight, I believe God lead me here, to know I'm not alone, none of us are. I feel your pain and I'm 6mo. Pregnant going through this

I'm so sorry. . . . If you ever need to talk, please write to me.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Please message me if you need someone to share. Best of luck to you and your baby.

Thank you

I have the same questions

and maybe somedays we'll get some answers. Message me if you want to talk or vent.

I'm so sorry. I've been living this same hell for 11 years, but I simply can't do it any longer. It's not going to be fun, but leaving is the only sanity and solution for my kids and I. I've tried. I've tried so hard to make him see all the good he has in his life. I've tried to make his home life wonderful, but he simply refuses to see it. Alcohol has slowly messed with his mind and I can't help him anymore. In fact, it's a detriment for us to be here.
So it's with a heavy heart I have to let him go. Maybe then he will see what his addiction has done for him.
I wish you all the best.

Thank you, I wish you the best too.

Wow, its hard not to tear up reading this, I understand. And when you love somone so much on a sel destructive path, your left feeling lost

Honestly, you don't know what's up or down, right or wrong, etc. They make your life a mess. It sucks.

Make sure he has good life insurance and don't give him any cash you worked hard for

He has a disease which needs to be treated. Based on personal experience, I believe he lies to you in the hope that you don't worry about his problem. Also that you don't know, but worry aswell. And I can safely assume that he doesn't understand either, the sober him is no doubt beating himself up for drinking and to stop the feelings of self loathing he drinks. Horrid cycle and one that most people cannot stop without the help from professionals, family and friends.
I hope one day he and you do understand and live happy.

Thank you for your kind words. I pray every day that he will seek help, but he has to truly want it. I don't think he is there yet.