I My Husband Is An Alcoholic

Still Haning On

By: CADAdmin

Written on December 25th, 2008

I have been married to an alcoholic for 15 years now. I don't know how many times I said I would leave. Things would get better for awhile. Two years ago I started going to an Alanon group. They helped my learn how to take care of myself. They helped me learn how to stop doing the things that were enabling. I would advise anyone who has an alcoholic in their family to find an Alanon group near them, and attend. You will find others who understand what you are going through there.

A year ago in September, my husband went to the doctor, and was told that if he did not quit drinking he would be dead within 6 months. He continued to drink. A friend came over a few days later, and asked me what I would do if he died. I was bruitally honest. I had supported my husband for 12 years, I would not have trouble supporting myself after he was gone. I had already bought the burial plot, valt and casket. We would have the ceremony at our church. All I had to pay for was to open the ground and put him in it. That runs around $600. I would inherit his 403b. Perhaps I would cash in his stocks and take a long trip to Hawaii. I asked her if she would like to come with me.

Of course my husband was angry. How could I be so cold? I reminded him that it was his choice, not mine. He was the one chosing death with every drink he took. I was just being realistic. I had to deal with his choices. I would rather grow old with him, but if he chose to die in 6 months, then I would have to deal with his choice.

My husband chose to get help. Two days later he checked himself into a rehab center, and was there for over a month. He has been sober ever since. He starts a new job next month. I wish I could say this last year has been easy, but it has not. He has been sober, but he has been trying to redefine himself without alcohol. He has been making new friends, going to AA . . .

This is my story. I am still living one day at a time. Some days I think I can't take it. Some days are better than others. I still go to Alanon. My friends there understand what I am going through better than my family members or the people I work with. They know what works and what does not work.

I recommend to anyone out there who is going through the same thing . . . find a local Alanon group. I would not have lasted this long without them!

By: CADAdmin

Age: 46-50 , Female

2,561 people have read this story

Email:

Username:

Password:

Birthday:

By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.

12 responses

betsy9

this is such a big help.i kicked out mu alcoholic boyfriend exactly 3 weeks ago today. i kicked him out of my car for ripping my shirt off and trying to swirve my car in the other lane. i have been good but lately i started missing him, becasue he was not there, i missed having someone here. i am just realizing tonight that i don't want him here, he was just as you all say, he was unpredictable, you didn't know what was going to happen from one minute to the next, it would depend on what he had to drink that night, there was abuse, the verbal and the physical, broken doors. i was upset today and then when i read all of your mail, i remembered how bad it was, being trapped in a horrible world of drunkenness, i would leave and just take a ride to get away from him, how the f... could i ever want that loser back, what has been wrong with me, thanks everyone

Jun 26, 2012
1 like
thegoodwitchmil

My husband is 73 and still an alcoholic. It is worse the older they get. Now that dementia has set in too, I live a living hell. He cant remember how much he has drank, or if he has had a drink. Now of course it takes very little to put him over the edge. He is mean and verbally nasty to me and at timess physical. We have been together for almost 16 years and married for 12 of those. When he was working it wasnt an issue, a couple of beers in the evening, but the weekend was different, but not all the time, but when he did, man he tied one on. As he aged, and retired it got much worse. He would be drunk when I got home, and that happens today. His blood pressure is out of site and is starting to have other health problems. Whew.....what to do? I a 52 and missing out on a real life. But I am committed to the relationship, I think!!! But when it gets bad I am ready to leave. I am pretty sure I could make it on my own.. But what will happen to him if Ieave? That is what worries me the most!!! What do I do?

Dec 20, 2011
1 like
- 4Tess
  I'm in the same boat you're in. My husband is 69 and I'm 53. He always had a problem with alcohol but once he retired, he filled his days with endless beer. We are missing out on a real life. I handle his verbal abuse by establishing a life of my own. I take classes, go shopping and keep my distance when he is imbibed. When they're like this, you need to walk away and do something different. As far as what happens to them, that unfortunately is their choice. They choose the life they have whether we're there or not.
  
  Feb 20, 2012
  1 like
KLEINLAKE4

I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC HUSBAND FOR 14 YEARS. WE HAVE 2 KIDS. I THREATEN TO LEAVE WEEKLY. HE GOES TO WORK EVERY DAY. HEIS A GOOD PROVIDER AND FATHER. HE DRINKS AROUND A 12 PACK DAILY. I HATE THE FACT I HAVE TO DRIVE THE KIDS AROUND AT NIGHT AND I HATE GOING TO BED WITH A DRUNK NIGHTLY. AM I WRONG FOR WANTING TO LEAVE? HE DOES HOUSE WORK AND COOKS TO. THIS DRINKING ANGERS ME DEEPLY.

Nov 16, 2011
1 like
Claudialynn

my husband is a firefighter I know he's under a great deal of stress but I am at the end of the rope now! never hits me but drinks vodka and beer daily. He thinks it's okay to drink and drive too. basically he thinks he is fine. His face changes color, he is a lot louder and not a gentleman at all. We have two daughters one who is 13 tells she says Mom you know he gets like this once a month it's just cause he's drinking! why does she have to accept this poor behavior that he shows from time to time it's a really bad role model for them. I told him to stop drinking get help or just drink on the weekends or i have to leave him. The same day he chose to drink again as If I never said a word. Now what do I do? I don't have a job.

Sep 27, 2011
1 like
CADAdmin

Well all, I left my alcoholic husband, and got a divorce. He got drunk, and hit me in the eye . . gave me a black eye . . I had to draw the line there. It is bad enough to deal with the verbal abuse, but I refuse to be a punching bag. I am starting over in a new town. I hope you are all doing well.

Aug 5, 2011
1 like
Onmyown2feet

I have a question. How do you live with your aloholic. I just cannot anymore. Yet am so angry he is gone to "Ranch" while I am left at home with my 5 children. I just started going to Alanon and may try going several days a week. I also start therapy on the 15th. He is such an amazing guy when sober and working his program. He is an utter *** when using. Some days I feel for him, others I just could walk away and never look back. Do these guys ever get the hurt and damage they have caused?

Aug 5, 2011
1 like
Onmyown2feet

I have been married to my alcoholic/addict husband for 15 years. We have 8 children. 2 I had when we married and 6 we adopted. 5 are still at home. When he is not drinking and clean and sober there is no better husband and father. However we have not seen that guy in awhile. I am so sick of him. He is supposedl drying out at a "Christian Ranch" for subatance abusers. The irony is that it is located less than a ile from our farm. He has been clean and sober for 2 weeks. I started going to AlAnon. Frankly I am just sick of everything. There he is getting help and I am left with a farm and 5 kids and mountng bills. I have no sympathy. He is likely going to lose his job of 25 years for showing up drunk a few weeks ago. His new tactic in his alcohol riddled brain is that he is sure that giving up booze is good, but he just knows he is fine with his pot. UGH. I wish he would just grow up. I am sick of this. So sick I am seriously contemplating divorce. He is a self indulgent, self pitying child and I am sick of it. He seemingly is not bothereed in the least by what he has done to his family. He is just do flipping self involved.

Aug 5, 2011
1 like
LaVista

I understand, always remember that your life is valuable and you deserve happiness, you have valuable opinions. It's easy to forget your good qualities when an Alcoholic spins situations and you tend to feel like their problems are your fault.

My therapist has recommended a book called Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody. I haven't received it yet but am looking forward to reading it. We you live with an alcoholic you have to learn to live your life again. It's so hard to be one step ahead of them all of the time.

Strength to every one!

Jun 1, 2011
1 like
MrsBrown3rd

I totally agree. It's easy to say "leave him" . But the reality is that person is the same person that you fell in love with. If the other is anything like my husband, they cover-up and disguise their alcoholism until they get the ring on your finger/ From that point on you are in prison to a life that you could never have imagined for yourself. For example, my husband is very attractive, personable, and extremely intelligent. It was easy falling in love with him. However, every waking day is a series of unexpected events that cause you hell. Let's support each other and not be critical.

May 28, 2011
1 like
CADAdmin

husser101, I don't know who you are, but obviously you have know idea what it is like to be married to an acholic. You love him so much, but you hate the drinking, and the way he treats you. MizzBlue72 is NOT a fool. She is a woman in love, and is hurting. If you cannot be supportive, then find another group to be part of.

As for you MizzBlue72, I understand what you are going through. No one has the right to tell you it's time to leave. However, make sure you are safe, and if there are children involved, keep them safe too. I know you love your husband, but he is sick right now. Unfortunately sometimes they don't get sober until after they lose everything and everyone who loves them. I know this is not the life you chose for yourself.

Your husband is not the only one who needs help. You do too. Please find an Alanon group near you. You will find people you can talk to who understand what you are going through. You will be given phone numbers of other women you can call when you need someone to talk to. Please take the time to help yourself. Your husband will most likely not get help while you are focused on him. Move the focus onto yourself. Add me to your friends list, and email me if you need to unload.

Dec 25, 2008
3 likes
MizzBlue72

Hi - I am going through the same thing. It is so hard. He hasn't been to a meeting in a week, because his sponsor is sick. I had left, the only condition when I came home was that he would get help and quit drinking. Christmas Eve we got into such a big fight I asked for a divorce.

Dec 25, 2008
1 like

Your Response