I have been married to an alcoholic for 15 years now. I don't know how many times I said I would leave. Things would get better for awhile. Two years ago I started going to an Alanon group. They helped my learn how to take care of myself. They helped me learn how to stop doing the things that were enabling. I would advise anyone who has an alcoholic in their family to find an Alanon group near them, and attend. You will find others who understand what you are going through there.
A year ago in September, my husband went to the doctor, and was told that if he did not quit drinking he would be dead within 6 months. He continued to drink. A friend came over a few days later, and asked me what I would do if he died. I was bruitally honest. I had supported my husband for 12 years, I would not have trouble supporting myself after he was gone. I had already bought the burial plot, valt and casket. We would have the ceremony at our church. All I had to pay for was to open the ground and put him in it. That runs around $600. I would inherit his 403b. Perhaps I would cash in his stocks and take a long trip to Hawaii. I asked her if she would like to come with me.
Of course my husband was angry. How could I be so cold? I reminded him that it was his choice, not mine. He was the one chosing death with every drink he took. I was just being realistic. I had to deal with his choices. I would rather grow old with him, but if he chose to die in 6 months, then I would have to deal with his choice.
My husband chose to get help. Two days later he checked himself into a rehab center, and was there for over a month. He has been sober ever since. He starts a new job next month. I wish I could say this last year has been easy, but it has not. He has been sober, but he has been trying to redefine himself without alcohol. He has been making new friends, going to AA . . .
This is my story. I am still living one day at a time. Some days I think I can't take it. Some days are better than others. I still go to Alanon. My friends there understand what I am going through better than my family members or the people I work with. They know what works and what does not work.
I recommend to anyone out there who is going through the same thing . . . find a local Alanon group. I would not have lasted this long without them!