Functioning Alcoholic

I've been married to my husband for 7 years and we have a2year old son together. Before I was pregnant with my son my husband and I used to go out and drink almost every night.  We planned the pregnancy and vowed we would stop our partying ways and start living a family life. Well it looks like I'm the only one that followed through.  The pregnancy was great although I did go with him to the bar to  "babysit" my husband once a week. (and no I never drank alchol while pregnant).  My son was born and was a very fussy baby with was stressful for the both of us.  Hubby was supportive first couple of months but once he saw that I had a handle on things he started going out to the bar again.  At first I fussed about it but then that would just lead to more arguing. Now a days my hubby goes out the the bar 3-4 night a week and doesnt come home til the bar closes>  The nights that he is home he jumps on the computer and we don't really talk.  If I ask him questions or try to make conversation I either get ignored or snapped at.  He has been through phases where he vows to quit drinking but they last maybe a week and by the end of that week I WANT him to go out because he is so mean  when he is has been sober so long and staying home.  It seems like an endless cycle and I'm getting sick of it.  The only times he really tries to talk to me or be nice is when he wants sex.  I have a hard time givin into that because he's out at that bar all the time and never answers his phone when I call.  Trust is becoming a big issue now  and its really starting to hurt.  I'm getting more and more depressed by the day.  We live in my mother in laws house and she has just retired.  I'm a stay at home mom and she is a diabetic that sits on the couch all day eating sugary sweets and ordering me around to answer the door, phone or just to get her something. She also likes to tell me how  and what I need to do for my child and disregards anything I tell her about feeding my child sweets all day.  Its to the point now where my son will not listen to me and will run to my hubby or his mother and chatise me for being so mean and I'm talking bout when I want to change his diaper or have him eat a meal. Its ridculous. I clean her house and fix all the meals and all i get in return is a mess or critiquing about the meals I cook.  Mother in law passes off hubby's drinking because her husband was also an alcoholic up until he died from it.  She tells me to get over it and thinks that I treat hubby badly and should let him do what he wants to do.  I am starting to get at my wits end.  I feel bad sometimes because I dont work and so I figure hubby is stressed out and needs to drink to get his mind off things.  Mind you I would work but he wants me to wait until our son is ready for preschool. Last year our whole tax return got spent at the bar..a couple thousand dollars in a couple of months.  It's sad. I love him but I feel like I'm losing that love slowly every day and I don't know how long I can take the disrespectful way he treats me.  He doesnt even like to go out in public with me hardly.  He used to invite me out but now he just takes off when he can.  I dont know what to do.  I have no where to go, no job, no money and no family support outside of his family.  I hate myself for becoming so dependent  on someone and getting stuck in this predicament. I don't know what to do...

CrassDarling CrassDarling
26-30, F
5 Responses Feb 19, 2010

My husband has a drink problem I believe , but a lot of the medical professionals I talk to about this say that he does not.we have been together for over ten years and until my son was born 3 years ago we were happy equals in our marriage. After my son was born he would drink and smoke dope the reason that a lot of people believe that he hasnt got a drink problem is there is no pattern to his drinking he can go weeks without a drink and then he will sneek drink and he drinks to the point that he is uncontrollable, he has hit me choked me, and jeopardized our childrens lives on many occasions. Through the drinking. My life with him is so unpredictable. I worked full time last year but had to give up work due to when he was alone with our kids he would get drunk and fall asleep. He is in councilin but they all tell him that he doesn't have a drink problem, I think if he did not have a drink problem he would not drink around our children

OMG, this could have been me writing this 3 years ago... my husband is now in detox and his mother is STILL trying to come up w/ every reason other than he is an alcoholic and make me be the responsible adult for HIM, she wants me to do everything and take care of everything while he goes and does whatever he wants. She is now trying to take knock me out of my sons life while H is in detox so that when H comes home there will be more problems b/c she can't accept the fact that he is an alcoholic, but can't deal w/ life where he isn't completely dependent on her (an alcoholic). She is trying to take over my son, and since I had to quit working when he was born due to H not being able to take care of him and daycare wasn't an option, I am now in a position where the only income I have is from her b/c my H refused to get a job & I couldnt get a job. <br />
<br />
I love my daughter and my son so much and it is literally killing me that he is away from me and all this is going on. I now wish (w/ the exception oof my DD) that I had left either before I got pregnant w/ my son or as soon as I found out. Yes it would have been hard as hell for awhile, but honestly I love my husband but he is killing me now.

I left my husband a year ago because he talked down to me in front of people and had a substance abuse problem accompanied by a huge ego. I LEFT and it was the hardest thing I have ever decided to do on my own. We have a child together and without him I had nothing financially, but things got better and I in turn felt better. I no longer had to deal with his constant CHAOS.<br />
<br />
Much love to you dear....

in the same boat

hi crass darling you seem like a lovely person and i think you have put up with alot and i eel you need to get out of their as soon as i suggest you try and see if you can stop with a friend and put your son in a cresh and find your self a job their are loads of single mothers out their. Your husband needs help and threten him. sayto him if he doesnt get help that your gona leave him. Speak to someone about your situation and see if you can get a place of your own you deserve to be treated better than this. and i your husbands has any sense he will come to his senses. may be leaving him for now is the only option and who knows it might be the only thing that can help him stop drinking. also i have had alot of problems in my life and their was one thing that helped me solve some of them and it was a book called The Secret i recommwnd you read it and it does work it might be strange at first but you just need to believe and have faith. i hope all works out for you in the end.