My Husband Had A Relationship With Another Woman

I have a lot to vent about, so bear with me.

I have known my husband for more than 10 years. We have always had a happy, fantastic relationship. I feel like that fell apart 2-3 years ago, about a year into my bachelor's degree program. He says that I became moody, abusive (verbally and physically) and unsupportive. Shortly before I finished my degree (late 2011), he met a 20 year old woman on Twitter (I'm 25, he's 26) and they began to bond over many things in their life.

Well before I knew it (around June 15thish 2012), they were posting pictures for each other over Twitter, email and Instagram, sending thousands of Direct Messages a day and talking about intimate things (not sexual exactly) that they'd like to do together if they were ever to have the chance to meet. He had her phone number, address (he sent her items that we got from spending time at E3) pictures saved on his phone... He was telling her things like that he wanted to fix things with me, but made it sound like he wanted to start a relationship with her.

Well I knew all of his passwords, and I suspected something after I found a "like" on Instagram, so I logged onto his Twitter and found the messages at around midnight that night. He works the night shift and she was up late studying for some exam, so I let them talk for a while while I watched impatiently and in heartbreak as my otherwise loving husband said all of these things he normally reserved only for me to someone else whom I didn't even know existed. I watched until early in the morning the next day, hundreds of messages later. And he has the audacity to text me that he's out of work and "What's up?" Well I lost my ****. I left the house and moved in with a close family friend.

Over the next week or so, he tried to make things up to me, and I moved back in for a bit, but told me that they weren't going to stop talking. WTF? Really...? So this time I said I wanted to stay at the house and I made him stay with the family friend.

So, after watching them talk for a bit more, I hacked all of his emails and Twitter and changed everything I could so that he could not access it at all. And all he did was create another Twitter so he could keep talking to her. Damn. I thought, I've given him 10 years of my life and this is what it gets me. Putting this person who I barely know over your wife of 3 years, someone who you've known for the better part of your life.

And it didn't help that she's young, ambitious, a better artist than I in my profession (she's not even in art), and super gorgeous and smart. And a cosplayer. Something I've always wanted to do. Plus she doesn't drink or smoke and one of my husband's complaints was that I lied to him about smoking. She is also a gamer and a wrestling fanatic, some traits that the three of us all share.

Long story shortened, over the course of the next 3 months, he constantly promised me that he wasn't talking to her when it was all a complete lie. In reality, which he recently confessed to, he was using Skype with her every day and even video chatting with her. There were pictures that he took at an anime convention that I know were especially to show her. He was posting and saving song lyrics that I know he thought of her when he listened to. And at a point during the beginning of July, he told me he wanted to act as if we were separated. And I remember saying no, and him agreeing, during that time, he and the girl discussed having a relationship and how it would work and they decided that it wouldn't.

I feel that's the only reason he's even with me anymore. He did say that I became nicer again, but I will never know if it was because of this mess or if since I was finished with my schooling and had less stress and a new job, if it was due to that. I hate to think that this clusterfuck was the cause of a good change in me. He also stopped talking to her a week after I stopped smoking (4 weeks ago) due to a new medication I have been taking.

So everything's getting better for us now, three months+ later, but this ***** refuses to apologize or acknowledge me at all. Even after I berated her and made her feel like crap in the beginning (hubby told me so).

But yesterday, I found a draft email that it sounds like he was planning on snail-mailing in which he refers to her as "My Darling" and saying how he cares a lot for her and how they are "kindred spirits."

This whole thing just hurts so much still. And I feel like he's blaming me for still being upset about it. As I type this, he's left the room because he got upset at me about nothing and it offended me and made me sad. After I was so excited to see him today. I know he still thinks about this girl and it breaks my heart in so many different ways. I don't want him to be unhappy, so I tried contacting her and asking her to talk to him again, but she refused. After that, I tried to stop caring and left it to him to deal with.

I don't know whether I stopped caring if he leaves me, or if I just don't care about the situation, but all throughout our relationship, I've always cared for him so much. And he couldn't even stick out the hard times with me and he'd rather just move on... It's too much. Maybe that's why I feel I don't care. It's just a super convoluted and confusing situation.

If anyone has questions, comments or insight, I would love to hear from you.
DepressedNerdyBird DepressedNerdyBird
Sep 20, 2012