My so called crazy life

My life is a country song...yea it truly is. I have no idea where to begin maybe when I was a child or start now and go in reverse. I don't want pity from anyone please understand that. I've come to realize that no matter how hard I might have thought I had it or how bad I was feeling at the time there was always worse out there. I'm really only writing this now because maybe somebody else might be going through some of the same stuff or know someone and yes all this is from my life if you ever met me you'd never know. I'd never let on that I'd been though any heartache, drugs, alcohol problems, or anything that I'm going to write about.

So here we go.

I was born in the early 80's to my parents. Then about 5 years later my sister was born. Later I found out my mom had miscarried in between us and that really they didn't plan on my sister. Come to think of it they really weren't planning me either...I was supposed to be a sports car! My sister had colic taking up most of my mothers time and my dad was working outta town so I just learned to stay outta the way and play by myself. Growing up that was the way I stayed my sister on the other hand tried to push peoples buttons. We'd go to school and come home and we're supposed to do chores. I would but my sister thought eating and watching tv was more fun that only got you in trouble when our mom got home. Now I'm not talking about your in trouble your getting a spanking. I'm talking she flipped she would be the mom that was french braiding your hair one minute to ******* you by your hair the next for not doing what you were told and beating your ***! I walked on eggshells. I knew my mom had something wrong and that she loved us, I never questioned that at all. She was always going to doctors trying to get help and they finally put her on a bunch on meds but in the end I think that was the worst thing (I'll get to that later). By the time I was in high school me and my mom were fine I knew what triggered her so I tried to make her happy. I was more worried about my sister who just wouldn't stop I'd learned at an early age to not agitate her but my sister seemed to find it fun. One day while on the phone with a friend her and my mom actually broke my door down fighting. My dad had now got a job back home and had to come home to brake this up and fix my door.

I was rewarded for being good, like I got a new for me car (used) I was so excited, I got a phone line in my bedroom. I had to be home before dark no matter what, there where only a couple of rule games, skating rink, and church.

Oh and if you're wondering what my chores were I had to do everything from household chores to farm chores. I was the oldest. My sister just had to do her homework and clean her room, simple things, until she got older.

My sister by the time she was in the 9th grade decided she was smarter that everyone else and didn't need to go to school. This only got my parents in trouble and ended up costing them a lot of money to keep them outta jail. It's funny how the state works. No matter what was tried she just wouldn't go to school even hit my mom in the face for trying to make her go. My dad called the law and my sister ended up in the detention center. She spent a weekend there and my mom said she didn't want her baby in a place like that. So my dad went and got her. Of course things didn't get any better only worse.

She went on to get pregnant and have a son that my parents ended up raising for the first year. She used that to her advantage. Whenever she wanted something or wanted her way she'd take her son and tell my parents they couldn't see him. Well my mom would give in so she could see her grandson. Using a child so you can get new clothes, go out with friends, party, etc that's just wrong. He was well taken care of with my parents they had even fixed him a cute boys room. I was still living with my parents during all of this so I helped out with him as well, it was like that saying it takes a village to raise a child. We all pitched in around our work sch's.

My sister finally got a job, not that she hadn't had other jobs, just this one she had kept longer than the rest. While there she met a guy and they starting dating. They ended up moving in together and then she took her son to live with her. Which was okay he still came and stayed a few days a week, but then it started again when things didn't go her way. She threatened to keep her son away. It was soon after all this that my mom started telling us she didn't feel good, she had a headache, etc. At the time we didn't think much of it because she had migraines, and she had just had surgery. We figured if it was something to be worried about she would say so.

I had been planning my birthday dinner with her just like every year. I got up the next morning went to work and it had crossed my mind to call her to check on her but it got so busy I never got a chance. When I got off work I was so tired and just wanted to go home, shower and had to take some stuff to my friends house. I was on the phone with my friend when i pulled up and seen yellow tape everywhere I couldn't even pull up at my house. I hung the phone up, pulled up at a neighbors house and got out. As I walked up the the cop at the tape line it never crossed my mind something really bad had happened. I thought my mom and sister had gotten in yet another fight one's in jail, one's at the hospital the cops are doing a report on everything. But then as they lead me to a cop car to sit down and an older cop came over and starting talking. It's almost like what you see on all those cops shows. I just felt like I left my body and was watching him tell me. Then I just remember looking at him and whispering it's okay I already know. I could tell he was having a hard time trying to find a gentle way to tell me it was my mom and what had happened. I'll never know to this day how i it hit me that i knew but I did. They walked me up to see my dad on the porch who came home and found my mom. He was such a mess. The funeral and after was where my sister really showed herself. The family was there to help with everything. My grandmother didn't want her daughter buried or any funeral dealings on my birthday. Of course grandma got her wish, not that my birthday would ever be the same again. When we started going through my moms things my sister wouldn't come help because she said she didn't want to be around our family. Then got mad when I gave all of our moms clothes, shoes, pocketbooks and things we would never use away to family that would. I finally lost it and flipped out and blamed her for our mothers killing herself.

When it all came out our mom had been it the room made for her grandson when she killed herself. She started off in that room then went to her and my dads room got the .22 from the top of the closet then went back to child's room. She sat on the edge of the bed and shot herself. My dad found her and came home a few minutes later. In hindsight now we'd go back and try to help her because we'd much rather have her here with us. We can see signs where she needed help.

Soon after my mom's death my sister found out she was pregnant again. She had a girl this time. I started seeing a new guy as well. My sister and her boyfriend started talking about getting married so we started planning a wedding. I ended up finding out I was pregnant during this time as well. My pregnancy was hard and I stayed sick until I was about 7 months along. During the time I was sick I still tried to work as much as I could but then would have to come home and rest. I was in the hospital and drs office about twice a week. The father of my child and me broke up because he was unfaithful and every time I caught him he would just lie about everything. By the time I was 7 months I was doing better and he had come back into my life wanting another chance at us being a family. So I thought about this and decided to give him another shot. Things were going good between us except that there was some people wanting to start some drama and issues in our relationship. We just rolled with it and made it into a joke, I wasn't trying to hold what he'd done in the past against him and I knew where he was during this this.

When I went in to have my daughter it was sch'd and thank goodness after I had been there trying they come in and tell me they don't think she's doing good and they are taking me down for an emergency c-section but I need to remain calm. At this time the father of my child is no where to be found my sister calls him to tell him whats going on and discovers he's at a bar getting drunk with his friends. She goes off on him and he starts talking about how he knows he should be there and he'll get someone to take him down there. She told him not to bother being at the bar was more important so that's where he needs to stay and not to come to the hospital until he doesn't smell like alcohol. She told him off so bad he ended up crying. He ended up coming the next day. After coming home he would get up with me and sit with me while I feed our daughter for her night feedings. He would carry her and everything out of the car. He could be a really good dad and boyfriend. Just sometimes he let the single life creep in and his friends would take hold. In the end thats what won. He would keep saying how do I know she's mine even though she looked just like him. Strangers even would say so. So I filled for child support and to get dna done, I wanted him to have his proof. When he got it he tried to be all nice again but I was not as into it was before. I was willing to try anything to give my daughter the family she deserved and I will always love her father but he's done a lot of hurtful things I can't overlook.

After trying again and doing good yet again. He messes up for the last time with me. We planned her first birthday party and he instead partied and cheated then when I called him out on it he threatened to hit me. I've never after this tried to keep his daughter from him I've wanted her to know her dad but then he started seeing this new girl.

Boy oh boy.....the new girl! So my ex starts seeing a new girl all the while he's still texting and talking to me. We're still doing stuff as a family and he's telling me that he wants us to work things out. I finally call him out and tell him I know he's seeing someone to which he lies and says he's not because he knows that the two of us will get back together. I'm like oh whatever and just have to call this bs! Well his new girl decides she can't help herself but to start some drama and call my and my friends phones one night while were out at another friends job shooting pool. Calling us fat ******* and saying she's going to beat our *****! She goes on the say she has something for me. I'm like okay well being it and tell her where I'm at. I think she's funny. Well this just starts the harassment from her. The next day we get calls from her cousin cussing us out saying we had started with her. I've gotten calls from other family members saying the same. This has been going on for about year now. It's got to the point where I don't have any contact with my childs father and he doesn't seen or talk to her. Anytime he would it would only start more harassment and he'd get want to know what I'm doing, where I'm going, who I'm going with, etc. Every time I'd take our daughter to see him he would spend more time trying to talk to me and checking me out then playing with his daughter. We ran into him and the new girl out one night and I hadn't seen him in so long I almost didn't realize who it was my friend who didn't know who he was was like girl that guy is checking you out. When I seen and realized who it was I was like eww gross! I ended up leaving and laughing. She text me later (his girlfriend) talking some more crap. I really don't know what her deal. I've tried to get her to just leave me alone.

Okay well that's kinda a brief rundown of my life...I'm missing some stuff but I'll add some more later cause trust me there is a lot I still haven't told but I gotta live life for a little bit
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 23, 2013