I Need to Know and Clear the Voices In My Head!

What a dubious title I must admit!I am not going crazy. I needed to share this with someone, anyone and get some sort of closure from it. A relative recently verbally attacked me and started telling me how lazy I am ( I have two jobs!), how amazing his family is, what a waste of space I am, I need to get pregnant because I am getting old (almost 30) and worst bit..girls like me come 2 a penny. I thought I was a strong person with great confidence in me and my own limitations if any. I do my best not to hurt others. But lately I am not feeling like my bubbly happy, hyper self. I am negative, angry, stressed and very very demoralized. And his voice keeps ringing in my head. Am I really worthless? Am I getting old? Is my sole purpose as woman is to bear children? Have I really gone past the sell by date? I write blogs, etc and am able to express myself pretty well but somehow he hit some essential nerves. Maybe I am a failure. Maybe writing here and crying out for help or support is pointless.

I am almost 30, have a rubbish job and very very unhappy about everything. Maybe he is right. But why did he have to say it? I didn't even provoke him. Will karma get him? I hope so. I need vengeance!!!

Everything I do ...or touch turns to gravel. Pebbly, crumbly, sandy and worthless. I can see his point. I am not going anywhere. I don't even have a place that I can call home. Anywhere.

Perhaps I have been patting myself for jobs well done when in reality my expectations were low to begin with. Perhaps all the hard work I have put in my life, in myself...was all for someone who is not even worth a penny.

This is a lesson for me. People have the power to knock you senseless with pain. I thought I was past that. Obviously not.

Obviously I don't expect anyone to be gushing with compliments for me as no one knows me. Perhaps a few objective comments might help.

Is my relative the one with issues? When he opens his mouth all he talks about his how superiour his family is, how amazing they are and what amazing things they possess.  Is that a sign that he is inadequate himself? And feels the need to boost his ego by talking about the success of his family members to anyone who would listen?

I wonder......

Unhappy29 Unhappy29
7 Responses Apr 22, 2009

what an *******. i hope karma gets back to him too.

What a horrible person this relative is. The negativity he's projected at you has stuck, because you've let it. Don't, he's not worth your personal happiness. You can let it all go and stop hearing those words, as soon as you say "you know what, he was wrong!" <br />
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You decide your worth, You decide what you are doing with your life, and as long as it's in some way helping the greater good, nobody can put you down for what you choose to do with your life. Karma won't get him, you don't need revenge, but you need to stop judging yourself. And you need to let him know (with a smile,) that his judgemental nature doesn't make you love or respect him any less.<br />
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If you don't like your job, look for another one, find one, then quit the one you don't like (in that order ;p). But take some time and think about what it is that you could do that you would love to do, that gives you chances to be kind and helpful every day. A lot of people have this idea you have to make a plan and sail a course and hit your goals to be a success in life. What's wrong with just letting life live you, going where fate takes you, doing what you feel you should be, for reasons that matter to you? <br />
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and why did i find this question to answer today, more than a year after i twas posted? boy I'd love to know how the pattern applies here.


Hi Kalpana....you will be pleased to know I AM from an asian family and I am Asian myself. Hence the melodrama.<br />
Anyway before ppl can appreciate who we are we really need to learn to be proud of who we are first. Every culture has its good and bad points. I don't have an issue with being Asian at all. I love it and I flaunt it all the time with pride!But its the dark age mentality that some of this as*holes have that realllllly riles me up.<br />
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Don't worry about it. You are blessed to have a family. It doesn't matter what race we belong to we all need ppl around us to love us and cherish us. But there is always a price to pay for everything sadly. The rest is upto you.:)<br />
Chins up darling!

I know exactly how it feels when judged by close family members, something ive done long time ago since then my family member's never forgets to remind me what a biggest ***** i am. i come from a very traditional asian family, i grew up in a joint family. Its worst in our culture, our ppl never forgive anybody for their mistakes. you're very lucky you weren't born in a asian family.


i think the only thing you can do is to try not to take what he say's personally, i think his view comes from that of just being very old fashioned. he sounds like he is very stuck in the past. dont let anyone try and bully you into having children if thats not what you want, there is no law that say's you have to have children by 30. just because he say's these things does not mean he is right. i think he might possibly be trying to manipulate, into doing what he wants you to do, because he doen't want you to be an independant woman, he wants you to be like that of women in early years, keep home, bear children, be tied to the kitchen sink, that type of thing. you have to live your life for you, not him.