I Need to Know and Clear the Voices In My Head!
What a dubious title I must admit!I am not going crazy. I needed to share this with someone, anyone and get some sort of closure from it. A relative recently verbally attacked me and started telling me how lazy I am ( I have two jobs!), how amazing his family is, what a waste of space I am, I need to get pregnant because I am getting old (almost 30) and worst bit..girls like me come 2 a penny. I thought I was a strong person with great confidence in me and my own limitations if any. I do my best not to hurt others. But lately I am not feeling like my bubbly happy, hyper self. I am negative, angry, stressed and very very demoralized. And his voice keeps ringing in my head. Am I really worthless? Am I getting old? Is my sole purpose as woman is to bear children? Have I really gone past the sell by date? I write blogs, etc and am able to express myself pretty well but somehow he hit some essential nerves. Maybe I am a failure. Maybe writing here and crying out for help or support is pointless.
I am almost 30, have a rubbish job and very very unhappy about everything. Maybe he is right. But why did he have to say it? I didn't even provoke him. Will karma get him? I hope so. I need vengeance!!!
Everything I do ...or touch turns to gravel. Pebbly, crumbly, sandy and worthless. I can see his point. I am not going anywhere. I don't even have a place that I can call home. Anywhere.
Perhaps I have been patting myself for jobs well done when in reality my expectations were low to begin with. Perhaps all the hard work I have put in my life, in myself...was all for someone who is not even worth a penny.
This is a lesson for me. People have the power to knock you senseless with pain. I thought I was past that. Obviously not.
Obviously I don't expect anyone to be gushing with compliments for me as no one knows me. Perhaps a few ob
Is my relative the one with issues? When he opens his mouth all he talks about his how superiour his family is, how amazing they are and what amazing things they possess. Is that a sign that he is inadequate himself? And feels the need to boost his ego by talking about the success of his family members to anyone who would listen?