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Welcome To My Life

hello there! first off to start, i'm krysta obviouslyy i'm 17 going to be 18 this year woot! anywayy.
beginning of my life.. I was a normal baby, happy a bit colicky i guess? i dont recall my mother saying i cried alot, but who knows...
i mean i would cry if i was in the car trying to sleep and my mother stopped the car i guess i could only sleep during motion?
apparently i was semi-vicious though i bit my sister when i was a couple months maybe a year. lol
i really don't remember much of my childhood... although my dad left my mom when she was five months pregnant, then came back to see me when i was about 5-6 months , then left again til i was 14 turning 15. anyway fast forward to when i was 5-6, my mother met this guy, they fell in love i guess and got married, i didnt like him from the start...  i learned about "sex" because of him... pretty pathetic learning about sex when your 5 or 6, i know. all i can remember is him starting to act slightly abusive towards me and my sister, i remember me running from him then i was behind the bathroom door and he pushed it open against my body my pinky toe started bleeding, and the nail of it is misshapen to this day . we were vacationing in florida or virginia i dont remember but ive been to both he slapped my sister, and called her a ***** , i wasnt having that, i jumped on his back and started punching and kicking and biting him little 6 year old doing this mind you lol i dont remember what happened next but he did leave us alone eventually, my mother came back from shopping and i told her what happened, she talked to him, didnt happen again. i also remember her slapping my sister and calling her a ***** for something she did, and her husband at the time had to hold me down because i was about to go in there and "rescue my sissy from the mother beast" as i recall saying. thats pretty much all i remember from that time period. they divorced when i was either 7 or 8, because he tried to rape my mother. anyway, fast forward again to when i was 10, my mother met this other guy, whom i also didnt like, she went on a date with him and i didnt like it, then she brought him home one day and said he was moving in i flipped out!  i threw papers everywhere i was yelling, i just really didnt like this guy! i later found out why. they were off and on for about 2 years from my age 10-12 when i was 12 he moved back in with us but him and my mother werent dating, they were just friends. he would have me go into his room to watch movies, the first time i watched a movie with him i thought it was a bit odd that he shut and locked his door, but i didnt question it.. after a week or so i went back in his room to watch movies with him, again he shut and locked his door, we had seperate blankets covering us then i got cold cuz my blanket was thin, i told him i wanted to go to my room to get another blanket, he said it was fine and we could just share his, again i didnt question it, a few minutes past then his hand brushed against my vagina i was clothed i thought it was an accident, but then he started unbuttoning my pants, i just lay there not saying anything pretending it wasnt happening this went on for a few months in his room, i dont know why i kept going in there but i did, then one afternoon when we were on the couch he started touching me again this time he was touching my chest too, the bad thing about this was my moms room was RIGHT off the livingroom, and he dared do this to me while my mother was so close? ill never understand why... he was sneaky, my mother never caught him. they got into a fight one day and she kicked him out, about six months after he left i told my mother what had happened, she was mad.. she wanted me to press charges but i just couldnt, i didnt want to have to see his ugly face in court, i never wanted to see or hear of him ever again! it took me years to even talk about it or be able to hear his name, to even be able to accept the fact it happened to me! after he did this to me i started actually cutting myself [i tried it once when i was 11] but when i was 12 thats when i actually started, it wasnt deep cuts. when i was 14 i was raped... it was by one of my ex boyfriends. that made me want to kill myself.. i knew for a fact i had depression after this. i was questioning it since i was 11 but when i was 14 i knew, i knew for a fact i had it... anyway. oh forgot to mention from 1st grade til 8th grade i was homeschooled. anyway when i started 8th grade i was scared, i had barely any social interaction for most of my life, i was shy. i got picked on for everything pretty much, i was picked on for my height im short, about 4 10 i got picked on cuz i wasnt as pretty as everyone else dude i look like a person thats pretty normal to me i got called names.. it got worse in high school, i was so afraid to go to high school, more kids, more names, more bullies... i cut myself about 30 times just three days after school started, i was admitted to the hospital and i went to a residential type home..  all throughout my freshman year i was bullied, i got threats, i got called a *****, ****, *****, **** everything possible there was this one time i cut HATE in my leg it filled up a beach towel with blood, im not proud of it, but i was wicked upset.. my sophomore year was pretty good, had a few break ups there was this one in particular i really liked the kid i dont know why i did looking back on it now] he broke up with me, i felt worthless, i cut again, ended up back in a hospitalization home type thing, i found out one of my bestfriends [or apparent bestfriends was dating my ex i was sooo mad, i kept calling her a **** and everything [which i know isnt right, but you just get so caught up in the moment!] then she came after me [she wasnt that good of a fighter all i got was one little scratch and i barely touched her lol] my friend came up behind her and dealt with it for me.. anyway on to this year... this year was probably the hardest. ive wanted to die every single day of this year, my now ex bestfriend had this roommate, i thought he was cute, she hooked us up, we started liking eachother then fell in love, then all these girls kept flirting with him including my ex bestfriend so i got mad and started saying stuff, my ex bestfriend started to hate me and all of her little friends did too, everytime me and him would hangout she would be texting him saying i dont know why ur still with that ****, shes cheating on you etc and i dont cheat at all its ridiculous dont be with someone if ur gunna cheat 'nuff said] then she started with me at school, she pushed me into lockers called me horrible names, if i missed a day of school her and all her friends would make up rumors that im pregnant missing ONE day of school and being pregnant. totally possible right? lol teenagers  i would get messages from people asking if i was pregnant, and my boyfriend would too. eventually it got wayy out of hand i tried telling the principal about this but he didnt do anything, then these senior girls started harrassing me, again i tried to tell the principal and again nothing was done, the school was trying to get me put in jail, they asked my probation officer if what was happening in school could get me put in jail, this is when i had enough, i told my mom i was never going back to that school, and she actually agreed with my decision for once, its been almost 3 months since ive been out of school, ive been alot happier .
for everything i forgot to mention .. my mom use to abuse me when i was younger, when i got to be a teenager she started calling me horrible names, once when i was 11 she told me to run away and get kidnapped and raped, a month ago she said i should kill myself.. ive tried committing suicide atleast 5 times in my life.. and thats pretty much all i remember.
me and my mom are trying to get along better, but its still bumpy.
and if any of you are confused about any of this just comment on it and ask me questions and whatnot. by the way i am not nor have ever been pregnant. thanks for taking the time to read this, i just wanted to get it out here
KrystaxLeaxo KrystaxLeaxo 16-17, F Feb 26, 2012

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