My Experience And How I Found Out About ItIt all started when i was around 15 when i started having trouble sleeping, i would wake up in the middle of the night to a horrible experience like it was a life-like nightmare, i would hear voices of my own in my own mind but i would think it was people in my room having a conversation, kind of like a fast rushed or panicy conversation. As this happened it grew on me and i learned not to worry about it cos i knew there was no-one in my room soo i would just go back to sleep. The next thing i remember was i was thinking of very horrible things like evil things, i would always think when im talking to someone face to face that they would burst out and start shouting and screaming in my face with some sort of demon type face. i knew it was all in my mind but it still frightened me and sometimes still does. i hadnt realised some of the things i was experiencing because they were apart of me and it grew on me soo i never thought anything bad of it til i started getting very depressed and worse.
One day at the age of 17 a card came through the door explaining that many of the population of people in my country (Ireland) suffer from psychosis, and on the back it had the symptoms of psychosis, some of them that really stood out to me where the ones that i had been experiencing, depression, mood changes, hearing voices or seeing things that are not accually there, thinking that you get secret or hidden messages that only you can get from watching tv or listening to music or the radio, thinking that someone or something is following you or thinking that you are being spied on by the government and that they are out to kill you.
Only when i had read these symptoms i realised that those things were not normal and that they might be because of psychosis. The one thing that really disturbed me was when i would get out of bed in the morning i would hear my own voice in my head (kind of like the voice you hear in your mind when you think), it would comment on some of the things that i would do like when i would brush my teeth or pour my cereal into a bowl, it would be a very fast, nervous and panicy like something bad was going to happen to me, its like this voice was warning me or something its kind of hard to explain, but the only way i could stop this voice in my head was to go back to bed and sleep. The other thing i feel is that when i hear a noise like a bang or a knock i think the worst of it like if i heard a knock i would think of something evil or scary knocking on the door or if i heard a bang i would think of a bomb about to go off. and then the secret message thing, i always thought that stuff that i was seeing or hearing on tv was giving me some sort of secret message that was related to how the world is, why we are who we are, why are we here and so on, sometimes even i would think it was a message that was warning me of somebody like the government that were trying to kill me, even tho i would feel that i was getting the messages i could never remember what they were. i only really started worrying about all these things when i knew it was all in my mind but it still has that same affect on me as it did before i knew it might be psychosis, i havnt talked to anyone about this or had it checked out cos i dont want anyone to think i am some kind of mentally ill person, but i am assuming i have psychosis, please leave a comment or a reply, i would like to hear what you think, thanks!
mylife19 18-21 1 Response 6 Nov 12, 2012