My Son and I.

I'm suffering big time with my son,Eric he's 21 years old, to, he is still my baby boy,He's currently staying in my grandmother, house in other words he's staying in the efficency, my grandmother has but she has 86 years old. My grandmother is not well in the head, and she calls the police every other day saying that she dosen't now who her grandson is and they harrased my son all the time my son cried to me ,he broke down crying to me,said mom I don't now what to do,I did not accept my son in my house because of the bad choices he's made,but it's hard for me because I want to save him,But my husband is 22 years older then me ,i'm 45 years old and my husband is 67 years old and it;s hard to get through to him,my husband refuses that my son even knows where I live and he tells me that if I bring my son to my house he will leave me, my marrige will go out the window, but at the same time thats my son.  PLEASE HELP I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?

jennyc jennyc
41-45, F
9 Responses Mar 24, 2009

Well hello just writing how I feel at this moment....At this moment I'm feeling sad I miss my son I know my son misses his daughter, and that hurts because..there is nothing more that I want is to see both of dezy's parents by her side supporting her nurturing her and I know they love her but unfourtunatly..the choices that they are making are not quite what I had in mine as far as Dezy is concerned...I continue caring for my grandaughter.. I don't think she deserves this I love her very much she's my angel when I look at her I cry every time to me it is important to see her parent's work thing out for the best intrest of this child....mean while I will give her structure nurturing and lots and lots of love...I'am totally devoted to her my life revolves around her 24 hours a day 7 days a week...Her mother and I agreed that on her days off she will spend time with her daughter..It's very important to me that she bonds with her mother.......her mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer and that has me worried I don't know how to handle that because if something happends to her mother I don;t know how to look into my grandaughters face and say what....I pray and have faith that she will be ok.......I never new that I was going to end up raising a grandaughter on my own...I was cought by surprize..but it is all worth it because I;m willing to raise her to the best of my ability..and devote every second and evry minute of the day every day..I have made up my mind that this is my number one priority in my life wright know I thank God every day for having me here in her life because I know she needs me just like I need her...But I need her mother in her life as well as her father...Her mother is living with her mom and her 14 month old boy and her brother and wife and a 8 month old son and another couple and a pit bull all in one big efficiency with 3 rooms..on the other hand Dezy lives with my husband and I we got her a beautiful crib with a very nice sealy matress and everything she needs she is safe and I;m happy about that...IF one day her mother decides to take her I will always be her grandmother and I will always love her but I feel that she is her mother........No matter what I do I can not change the current of events that will accour in that little girls life..All I can do is try to make sure she is safe while with me..make her life a bit easer as a loving grandmother...I have been in Dezy's life seens she come out of her mothers womb and have been taking care of her seens day one....I just feel that her mother should get a little more involved with her daughter hope she comes around......love you guys and thanks for all your support Dezy and I need it thanks your friend jennyc.

Hi Jenny, your story is deep; I have a son name Eric too, he's in the Army National Guard. He started in October 2009, he's still in Boot Camp, and is graduating from Boot Camp at the end of this month; my son is 19 years old. I understand what you're growing through, because we love our children rather their good or not so good, they are ours, they came from us. I don't really know what to tell you, but just love your son at a distant; talk to him by phone, mail, etc. and work on you, and getting your self together, not saying that you have something wrong with you, but as we work on ourselves our children, even though they're grown, they may change by seeing us change. Try going back to school, learn a new hobby, learn how to sew, etc. The change will make a big difference in your life and your grandchild; and you just might be an insight for the baby's mom and many others who may cross your path. I'll keep in touch Jenny; and feel free to contact me too. Love ya.....

Hi Jenny, your story is deep; I have a son name Eric too, he's in the Army National Guard. He started in October 2009, he's still in Boot Camp, and is graduating from Boot Camp at the end of this month; my son is 19 years old. I understand what you're growing through, because we love our children rather their good or not so good, they are ours, they came from us. I don't really know what to tell you, but just love your son at a distant; talk to him by phone, mail, etc. and work on you, and getting your self together, not saying that you have something wrong with you, but as we work on ourselves our children, even though they're grown, they may change by seeing us change. Try going back to school, learn a new hobby, learn how to sew, etc. The change will make a big difference in your life and your grandchild; and you just might be an insight for the baby's mom and many others who may cross your path. I'll keep in touch Jenny; and feel free to contact me too. Love ya.....

Hello thank you for those kind words of encourgement....I hope today finds you both in good health and, spirit.....Well iI will tell you that 2 month's ago I let my son and his girlfriend in my house just untill she got her income tax, and then they could move on....But it did not happend that way...what happen was I have a new grandaughter beautiful and her name is Dezy, and I have been taking care of the baby seens day one...To make a long story short he would beat on his girlfriend every friday to get 30 dollars from her paycheck...Of course he did not work and on top of that I put him in barber school and would never go and he would not even work....I mean didn't he know that he had a baby on the way.......I mean my son has never even bought this a baby a pamper....I had to call the police because he draged he'd girlfriend by the clothe and hair and had her hostege in someones apartment she kept telling my son that she did not want anything more with him and then he bit her in her arm...My brother was in my house the next morning where my son showed up with his girlfriend and came chargeing at me and, my brother smact him, then my son got mad and ran with the baby in his arms and the maintence man in my complex ran after him and he gave back the baby.......my sons girlfriend is know staying with her mom and her 16 months all baby with 8 other people in an efficency and a pittbull dog...Her mom and I decided that it would be better for my grandaughter to stay with me seens I have been taking care of her seens day one..so we agreed that on her days off she will spend time with the baby and, then I pick her up and, bring my grandaughter home... A police report has been filed for domestic violence....assult and battery...kid napping and holding his girlfriend hostege...well that's all for know...GOD BLESS YOU FROM YOUR FRIEND JENNY AND MY GRANDAUGHTER DEZY....

Well JennyC,<br />
I guess it's easy for me to say, as I'm not actually feeling the consequences of the situation that you're in at the moment, that I'd support my son, but not by sacrificing my marriage or relationship with my partner. In my "utopia", I'd aim at loving everyone on equal terms,however some people demand to be loved on their terms exclusively. I simply have no right to comment any further as I have no past personal experience of your personal current life situation.<br />
I do send pray that you shall find an answer which is workable with all of ye.<br />
Season's greetings,<br />
<br />
sportygurly

HELLO thanks for yoir advise your wright but the problem is that I have been through this with my son before, were he wanted to hang out all night and sleep all day. I have been through allot in my live and if you read the rest of my story you will see that I have been through allot and, For the first time I have a stable home a man that makes sure that I don't go with out ,what if I bring my son and her 6 month old baby that is not my son's baby she had that baby with another man and she is expecting another child that is my son, so on top of it all I'm going to be grandmother,I don't know what to do this my santuary can you understand where I'm coming from.......Thanx your friend jennyc.

Honey, men are a dime a dozen. You can always find a man, but a son will always be your son. Child from your being. Give your son a chance put down the rules and make sure he knows you mean it. If he doesn't straighten out then tell him to go live on his own. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you come to your senses and it hurts to let a loved one go, but if you keep picking him up he will not do anything for himself. You are only enabling him. Good Luck, and God Bless you and give you strength.

Hi your wright........Thanx.

Hi,<br />
What a sad story. Can't you afford helping him with rent?<br />
Well, guess not. If I were you, I'd bring him home and hope my husband understands. Not for a long time, lets say, 3 months, and let everyone know that it's a temporary situation. I really believe that no one should choose between their child or their husand/wife, but when forced to do so, I'd go with the one that need my help, and that's the son.<br />
Hope I helped a little. Good luck.