The Day Ive Been Waiting For

this story has been the hardest one for me to tell because its the part of me that has never been healed and its very hard to talk about.....however you all have been so amazing to me and helped me through alot of hard times and bad days and most of the reasons i had those bad days are related to what im about to tell about to reveal to you the details of my true pain and misery. it may be long so bare with me not sure how to express this feeling to you

on july 1989 i met the most amazing boy id ever known, i lived in bakersfield california he lived in maine.  he just happen to live in the same state and town my famiily did (no we werent related )  my famiily and i went to a family reunion there and i met him the day we arrived at the lake they had there.  very small town everyone knew everyone.  he was handsome, funny, caring, and it was love at first sight for me.  i was 14years old he was 15yrs old.  we spent 4 days together just being kids with a spark for each other, you know that crush type game kids play when they like each other, holding hands, flirting, chasing each other, we didnt even kiss at all.  then it was time to leave and i cried knowing i would never see or hear from him again. 

when i got back to cali, there was a cassette tape in my mailbox yes im old they dont even exist much anymore.  on that tape was his vow to marry me the day we graduated high school and to stay long distance together till then and he loved me.  my mom didnt like that idea i was too young so she forbid us to be together.  we made phone calls to each other and ran up high billls and lost contact due to our parents killing us off. 

3 years later he showed up on my doorstep we fell in love yet again the spark was even stronger than before. we were 19yrs old at the time got married and had our son ryan thomas.  we were both young and had no clue what we were doing we were stupid in love.  we had jobs bills and priorities and now we had a baby.

ryan was my pride and joy the one part of my life next to my wonderful husband i lived for moments with everyday.  i spent every waking moment with him we were best freinds even though we was a baby.  i gave myself to my son fully and cherished his life and continuously taught him things and watched him grow in front of me. then we both got different jobs and i had to work graveyards. id come home my hubby went to work all day me at night. we lost connection and it became harder with ryan.  i lost alot of sleep because he would want to get up and play when it was time for me to sleep.

time went by, 2years later me and hubby started having connection issues and he started cheating on me i was married that was unheard of in my family we were all devoted to each other in marriage.  i was devastated by this news, we were a family, my son was 2years old and i saw disaster in route to us.

he then one day moved in with another woman and i was left all alone in st louis missouri my parents were in cali.   i was scared, lost, completely heartbroken and trying to stay strong for my child.  i decided to go back home and my hubby agreed that i would take my son home with me i was soo happy i got home he was with me i was whole again even though i lost my hubby whom i adored and was loyal and faithful and loved for 4 years.

one day i got a call from the police department stating that i had 24hours to send my son back to his father or i would be arrested for kidnapping.  i was set up by him to take my son so he could file kidnapping charges because he had nothing on me to prove me unfit and was afraid he would lost custody due to his adultery.

as a result my son was ripped from my arms and handed to his dad where he then took him away with him back to missouri.  i had nothing and i treid to kill myself i just couldnt handle the pain of losing the one and only part of my life worth living.

i had no stability of any kind except my family and they supported me in every way through all they they even saved my life.  my mom and i treid fighting the courts and we were denied and put into serious debt because my son was too young to travel across the states.  every relationship my hubby had controlled them both and i was not able to see or talk to my baby for about 5 years due to he had to approve of all of ryans actions with me because of his age he held me from my son out of spite for the better part of his growing years.

in 2006, i retained an atty to gain visitation rights and went to see my son for the first time in 5 years.  it was like a movie moment you know where the mother and child reunite and they show it in slow motion the two running towards each other.  he wasnt a little baby anymore but for some reason he remembered me and loved me just the same as i remembered.

ive been allowed in his life based on phone calls, email, and one visit per year to his hometown since 2006.  i was told i couldnt have my own visitation rights till he turned 12years which is bull **** because i know kids who travel way younger. but fighting it was out of my best interest as my atty said.  ive been doing whatever it takes just to be in his life paying child support helping with costs sending presents talking to him.  we are still best freinds

now he is 12years old and has requested to come visit me and stay with me and even live with me but my ex hubby now wont let hiim ever leave the state at all. my son is devastated and im at a loss on what to do from here.

i filed for a visitation motion with the state of maine and an atty is going to represent me from there he says there is no way i should have ever been denied out of state visitation all these years and now i have the stability and the guns out and im ready to fire at anyone who tries to keep me away from him again.  im retaining this atty monday and im going to go get my son. its going to be a hard battle and alot of stressful moments and im afraid of what my ex hubby (ron) will do when he gets hit with the papers served by my atty.

ive been non trusting, cold and uncaring about everything and everyone for the last 8 years mainly because of this part of my life i couldnt cope with untill i met most of you and my man and my girl pinkmami.....who is my best friend/gf/ for life and most of all my family have given me the courage, confidence, and love and security to fight for what is most important to me in my whole life.  im not afraid anymore but at the same time im scared as hell of the ending result i couldnt handle the thought of losing him again but i cant stop trying to recover what was taken from me and what has destroyed my way of living for so long.

i love my son sooo much and im sorry it took me so long to tell you all this part of me i had to learn to trust you first ive been hurt, tossed, betrayed, abused, used, all my life, and now ive lost my son its a wonder im still alive but im a very strong person when i need to be

my motto is you never know how strong you are till you are forced to be to survive

ty for listening to me and for truly caring to  really know me times are about to be very hard for me and its nice to know i have all the support i can get anyway i can get it are my true friends and i love you for helping me stay strong and brave through what im about to go through

sorry so long but there was no short version

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4 Responses Feb 22, 2009

you story is a sad one. what you should do is see some people who will check your home life, how you live, where you get your sorce of income. ways you could provide for your son. have them do it to your ex also but with out him knowing.
It is very legal age at 12 to decide who he wants to live with. if the parents are fit. get some lawyers for your self. I am going tp pray for you because i think he should be with you. get all the help ypu can and fight it. but do not ever say anything to your son what kind of man your ex is, he will find out on his own. i will pray for your son as well.

This story tears at my heart. I pray that good things will come to you and your son. Jen is right in her comments. Let the boy find out for himself what his father is.

Bless that is what were all here for to support one another. I believe we all are here to connect and with each other and meet people on our everyday walks of life to learn grow and gain insight. No matter how tough a journey you are walking and even though we don't know eachother I would be there for you if you needed.x

Bless, What a strong women you are to have to overcome and endure all that you have. I can't imagine a day with out my children. I did lose my daughter to the state when she was younger because of stupid mistakes and I did however get her back after 4months and that was the hardest time in my life I have ever had to deal with. Stay strong because you and your son know the truth and when the time comes your son will come to you. Stay strong.x