Diagnosis Or Not?

Hi Rose80, I think a diagnosis is important, not just for him, but for you and your therapist. Someone who specializes in AS is the best idea because there are so many variables, including possible comorbid conditons such as depression or ADD etc.

I only feel this way because my husband and I have been going through this whole process these last couple of months, after many years of struggle and therapy etc. After finding out about AS I was almost 100% sure he had the condition. We have been moving forward to get a diagnosis with someone who specializes in AD. Our current therapist who we've been seeing for over a year agress that it seems that my husband has AS. Even though our therapist diagnosed him with depression and ADD he feels it's important to let an expert in AS sort out all the complexities of my husbands condition. Things are getting better since we have both excepted that he has AS and have been (well, I have) been doing a lot of research and sharing with him about it. It is helping us both to understand so many of the problems we have struggled and struggled and struggled with over our 24 years of marriage. I really feel like all the years of therapy, all the money we've spent etc. has been kind of a waste because knowing about AS is fundamental in how a therapist will help a person and a couple where one partner does not have AS. Although, therapy has helped me to set better boundries for myself and realize that I could not solve all our problems by myself.

I will say this again and again, I wish we could find a way to have a chance to all get together and offer eachother ongoing, more personal support. If anyone has any ideas please let me know.

I do believe things can get better once we (meaning all of us married to those with AS) can really get a grip on what we are dealing with and adjust our expectations of what we can realistically expect of our spouses.

Thank God for this forum!

Elena

I've been there . . .am there with you. Don't feel bad. It helps to put it down in words. You don't want to label but need to tell someone so you don't feel like you are crazy . . . since you are the weird one over-reacting and your husband prob. says he is happy and there are no problems in the marriage. At least that is what I get. :) No diagnosis, but you know there is something there. It helps to vent and talk about it. I understand.

You are not alone. It is a lonely world for those of us married to AS husbands. Mine is a genius, well-educated, professionally and financially successful and generous. He never initiates a conversation or wants to go somewhere with me. Never helps around the house. Sleeps late, is on the computer all day and after dinner watches what he wants on the television, then reads in bed untl midnight. I am exhausted by this behavior. He can tell you the theory of how things should work and be done, but never executes the action. He does not have friends, he has colleagues who are probably suffering from AS, too.



We have been married for 28 years. When we married, he was a 41-year-old bachelor. No one knew about Aspergers at that time. I long for a companion who will talk and listen to me, make chit-chat and make me feel valued., someone who will participate in activities with me and share household chores. I have even prayed to God for this during long, solitary walks with tears running down my face.



I do understand what each of you is going through and wish we could get together for a long walk and chat.

I've just joined here. We are in the process of getting my Husband diagnosed. Though outward appearances he seems perfectly normal, holds down a good job, great personal hygiene I am at the end of my tether with his behaviour. He ignores me most of them time when we are at home, he never wants to do anything with me or just us as he sees that as a waste of money and his time when he could be on his computer. He now has tantrums when I watch something on the telly while he is on his computer and for some reason the sky+ sends him over the edge. He is never violent just either totally ignores me or can be very cruel and nasty with what he says to me. I feel so alone, I dread social occasions as you never know how he will be. I feel as though I am walking on eggshells all the time and can't relax in my own home. I sometimes wonder what is the point, I'm sure he would be happier if I wasn't here.



Sorry for the rambling post but it has been a difficult week, we came back from holiday abroad, he was a nightmare during the two week run up to it and he is being a nightmare now we are back.

Certainly sounds like textbook Aspergers. A psychologist would advise you to get him formally assessed as only with the proper assessment can he get the help that is out there to allow him to live a happier life. Aspergers frequently suffer from anxiety and deep depression. They often don't know what they are feeling as they can be out of touch with their emotions, unable to label them and therefore unable to talk about them. Getting him help can be of so much benefit to you as all improvements to his wellbeing will have a flow on effect to you and your young child. I've been married to an asperger for nearly thirty years and know just how hard it can be so get all the help and support that you can. He means it when he says he loves you. Some of them can't even say that!!! I'm lucky as mine is expressive with his love but like all asperger persons he can't give much in the way of emotional support as he wont even notice the need most of the time. You're in a tough situation so get professional help/a diagnosis and take it from there. It's tough..but with help it can be rewarding too.

Good Luck.

TEXTBOOK Austism. My hubby and one of my stepsons are aspie. And hubby is VERY difficult sometimes, but not like what you are describing. I just have to focus on the wonderful sometimes to make it through a minute, then an hour, etc.



I'm a teacher and I've had many AU students over the years. Your hubby sounds a bit more on the spectrum that an aspie (which is very high functioning AU).



You must be so tired of dealing with him; like a child. Your details give me a good picture into your life. Lordee, I bet you're exhausted.



This forum is giving me an idea. I'm opening a wedding/events facility this fall in Texas. I think it would be great to get aspie wives together!! I just want to give everybody hugs.

I mean, I'm not sure it's that important with an actual diagnosis, but I would like to hear some of yours wiews:-)