Diagnosis Or Not?Did your spouses get the diagnoses of aspergers?
I sometimes feel terrible that I think my husband has aspergers. That I want to label him like that. It's just that....I need someplace to put all the things that I do not understand about him. Like for example
-he answers very often my questions with just hm, or with only one word.
-he very rarely initiatives anything (wether its housework, activities with the kids, something just the two of us could do, meeting with friends)
-one night our son was sick with fever, my husband got mad at him because he (our four year old son!) just (quote:) "used circular argument" when he was trying to tell him he wanted his mama.. (Like, I want mama! Why? Because I want mama)
-he has great difficulties with changing seats around the dinner table, we should all sit where we use to
-he does not care abot his appearance, or his hygiene, even though I've asked him respectfully, but straight forward, if he can shower more than once a week
-he never asks about my life, and doesn't seem interested if I tell him
-he rarely laughs, I've often asked him when he is really happy, how I will tell. But he doesn't know.
-it's hard to tell if he is sad, angry, dissappointed, stressed or just thoughtful. I can't tell by the way he looks. And when I ask, he has a hard time answering. Most of the times he says he's just OK.
-and if I ask how his day was, or his meeting, or his weekend, I get the same answer : OK. End of story.
-he has very few friends. And he rarely initiative any contact with them.
-he has low self esteem, and I've often wondered if he is depressed
- he doesn't see the point in giving gifts. And if he gives me anything, it has often been somethings I didn't wish for. Of course, I don't tell him that, I'm still happy to actually get a gift(!) even though I can tell it's just because he feels he has to give me something.
-when we are visiting someone, he doesn't seem to know the social codes...he rarely says thanks for dinner, wants to help...those little things thats so natural/normal, but means so much
-when I lived with my parents for two months, because of his behavior (specially his anger), he thinks of that as one more thing I've done to him. And he needs a long time before trusting me again, he says.
-he is totally loyal, and is very clear: He loves me and doesn't want a divorce. And if I can't believe that, I'm calling him a lier, he says. I do believe he loves me, in his own way.
-he is with me in therapy. We are not in it together, because I'm the one with a problem, he says. (At least he is there :-))
-I've wondered for years why he almost never looks me straight in the eyes, he seems to look at something else in my face, or behind me
-he loves sex, but get really grumpy if I don't
-I've often felt like he is an extra child, or at least a teenager
-he just can't tell me what it is that he loves about me. After nearly eight years.
-he has a really hard time saying he's sorry for anything. If he accidently hurts our kid while moving him away from a situation, and the boy starts to cry, I'm the one that has to tell him I'm sure his father didn't mean to hurt him.
- he has his interests that he loves. He sits with his computer all day, if he can. (well, I haven't been any better, since I found this forum...LOL)
-He can talk and talk about his interests, even though it's obvious to me that people are trying to get away.
I'm sure I could go on. I feel kind of bad writing all this about my husband. But I need to know I'm not insane ...to think it might be aspergers.