Hope: 5 Stages Of LossI am going to start this by explaining that I am a nurse. I am married to a man I believe has asperger's. He is not diagnosed, but fits the desc
Every marriage is difficult and it does not matter who you married to or what diagnosis they may or may not have. There are beautiful aspects of being married to a man with aspergers.
1.) My husband says embarrassing things sometimes to people, but sometimes he tells people things they need to hear. Things I wish I could tell people. Sometimes I need to hear the truth and I should let it make me a better person.
2.) My husband is so needy and clingy at times it is frustrating however, many of my friends are worried or have caught their husbands cheating on them. I know my husband will NEVER cheat on me. I am pretty sure if we ever broke up he would still ask me for advice or live alone in a hole. He needs me and well, I have to admit . . . I love being needed.
3.) My husband may be obsessive with his interests, but he is one of the smartest people I have ever met.
4.) He may act "strange" sometimes; but I love how he finds pleasure in simple things such as candles and hates sports because they are "pointless".
5.) Sometimes I might get annoyed, but I love that my husband is so honest.
6.) I may not always understand how my husband thinks, but he is way more interesting this way.
7.) my husband may not hug or kiss much,or understand why buying gifts is not stupid to ME; but I can't count the number of times he has done things because I wanted too even though he thought they were stupid.
8.) at times he acts like a child and I hate feeling like I have to be his mother, but if I join in on the child-like behaviors there is something very fun and freeing about the experience.
Love is making a choice to do things for another person even if it is difficult. I am learning that while I get annoyed and frustrated by my husband I think things must be so much harder for him to do things I take for granted . . like have a conversation. It makes me proud of him and love him for the fact that he is married and holds down a job. In some way, he must love me so much more than I can know to fight every day to learn and try to act "normal" to make me happy.
I understand marriage or dating or talking to someone with aspergers is hard, but there are too many people that have a depressing view that things can't be fixed or worked out. So many people give advice like "BAIL NOW WHILE YOU CAN", it just gets harder . .. . . I have stayed in this marriage too long . . . blah, blah. who is the hurtful selfish one in the relationship? I look at the fact that my husband can't change how he thinks of the world, but he STILL tries to make me happy when it does not make sense to him. When he hurts my feelings by ACCIDENT, can't I at least forgive him? It really is not hard to make him happy. All I have to do is ask him about his interests, give him space, or find him a good smelling candle etc.
There is hope. I may not have handled it with grace so far . . but we have made it three years and I am looking forward to more. We may not have a "normal" marriage, but I would not change my decision. If you loved someone and got married and found out they had cancer would you leave them? why with aspergers would you leave them?
There is hope is grace and love. Live out LOUD. The more problems you have to overcome in your marriage, the better marriage it is, the more beautiful. There is beauty in greasy puddles if you look for the rainbow.
jends 26-30 48 Responses 14 Jan 30, 2012