In The Closet Aspie Spouse

I have been married for 18 years to a man with Aspbergers. He went to a diagnosis specialist about 4 years ago and has denied the diagnosis ever since. He claims she just wanted his money and that is all. He also claims that she told him that he was in a bad marriage and that is the problem. I am not allowed to mention aspbergers or even read a book about it without him throwing a huge tantrum.
I feel very alone as I live in a small town and only know one person who is even aware of what aspbergers is as she has a son with it.
I am really just looking for some support and people to talk to about how to cope and handle my husband. I love him and want to make this marriage work, but it is hard when I am always the bad guy and he just can't understand anything I say or feel.
I am past the anger & just want to learn how to help him and me.
burieddeep burieddeep
36-40, F
2 Responses Dec 2, 2012

I, too, live in a small town, and no one knows what I put up with. It would be so nice to have someone to talk to face-to-face who is in the same situation.

It sounds like he is in shame that he has been diagnosed. Often when we experience shame, it comes out angry. It seems to me that he sees it as a character flaw but it is not. It is just a difference. I suggest dropping the aspergers topic with him and keep doing what you are doing by reaching out. Are there any specific situations you can share that people here could give you advice about?