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The Spirit Within Me

By: shannon311
Written on January 29th, 2013
The biggest mistake I ever made was to say I do. I just wanted someone to love me. I didn't realize that meant losing myself and my spirit. His way of "love" is by yelling at me when the house is a mess, blaming me for things others do, keeping me from having friends. But yet, he "loves me". I'm the "best thing that has ever happened to him" but I will blame you and scream at you for everything that goes wrong in my life.

We have a baby together. I feel like I failed. I can't give my baby a good life. My husband doesn't even work. He gets fired from every job.

He is like having cancer. He is controlling and destroying my life one day at a time and I know one day he will eventually metaphorically kill me as he has already killed the spirit within me.
By: shannon311
Age: 31-35
73 people have read this story

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7 responses
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    rob222
    rob222

    its your decision Shannon to move on but the situation you are in well you know that road to well time for your inner compass to kick in and move on theres nothing in your home for you and your child it is suppose to be filled with love not regret.

    Jan 29
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    rob222
    rob222

    your man is nothing more than a bully ring a helpline explain to them about your situation and as for him taking kids off you I doubt that very much as courts always give the mother the kids providing you have no criminal convictions which would give them reason to take them away from you which I doubt. the convictions would have to be serious not petty ones. if you stay in this relationship then it will damage you and your child don't be a fool get out. you could make a new life this one your in is full of regret and dusty cobwebs out with the old in with the new. your missing out on your proper life because of him with his unpredictable methods I think you are stupid if you stay blinded by his bull.

    Jan 29
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      shannon311
      shannon311

      I know. I don't know how I got myself into this. I used to pride myself on how independent I was growing up and then I met the wrong person who totally turned my life upside down.

      I'm not blinded by his bull. I stand up to him. It's the part about putting myself and my son out of harms way (getting my own place) that worries me.

      I am missing out on life too.

      Jan 29
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    rob222
    rob222

    collect your belongings and child tell him to do 1 and leave it will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself and child make this happen. I am a man and I wouldn't in a million years tell you what you can and cannot do that's ridiculous you have a right to a life too. if he wants to bum around giving you cr4p for his failings then that's his self pity not yours don't let this scavenger drag you down anymore just by telling people on here about your situation is a step in the right direction you and your child will be 100million times better off without him. start a new life now or you will be depressed for a long time and this will effect your child in the future so for gods sake LEAVE NOW hell to it.

    Jan 29
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    NorthernStar1980
    NorthernStar1980

    Shannon, why in the world are you putting up with foolishness in your life? If your husband is treating with you such disdain, maybe you should execute an exit plan. Don't you deserve to be happy? Also, since you have a baby...you don't want to teach your child it's OK to be treated any kind of way. Children are like sponges, they soak up things around them! If not for you.....make positive changes for that baby. I hope everything works out. :)

    Jan 29
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      shannon311
      shannon311

      I wish it were that easy. He is very erratic. Ticking time bomb would be the best way to describe him. He takes suboxens too and I'm not very familiar with them but I feel since he has been on them, he is totally irrational. Won't get off of them though.

      He uses my son as a crutch and how he will "take him away from me." I really don't know what he is capable of. He's already been to my work and yelled at me in the parking lot in front of my boss. Since then, while my boss never said anything to me about it, I feel as though he feels sorry for me though.

      I have never met anyone quite like him. While he does not physically abuse me, the mental abuse is there.

      I really don't have much of a support system. My family has their own problems. My dad has dementia so I don't want to burden my mom and my friends act very nonchalent when I tell them what is going on.

      I know if I were to get my own apartment, he would hunt me down. I know there really is no happy ending to this and I just have to live with it.

      Jan 29
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      NorthernStar1980
      NorthernStar1980

      No, you do not have to live with this! Although your mom has a lot on her plate with your dad's dementia, I know she'd wanna know your safety is at risk! If you don't feel safe and your husband's behavior is unpredictable...there are people you can talk to who can guide you and help you make the necessary decisions to remove yourself from that environment. By staying put, you're saying it's OK for him to continue to treat you in that manner....and it's NOT OK! You should start planning your escape....save up your money and look for places far from him! Also, once you leave...get a restraining order against him.

      Jan 29
      1 like