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It's All a Struggle

i am 20 years old and have 2 kids. I live with my partner of 5 years.

Nothing i do ever seems to be right. i don't live my life for myself, i live it for everyone else.

I do things to make everyone else happy. But ever since i became a mum, it seems that everyone see's me as just a mum now. Someone who isn't a person with feelings, or deserves any respect. Everyone thinks it's ok to critizise everything i do. From how i raise my kids to what i wear or how much i don't eat, it goes on and on.

I'm a little tired, of the constant scrutiny, it's like there all in a competition on who can tell me how to live my life the best.

I'm sick of people telling me i have ruined my life by having kids so young. The only lovely thing in my life is my wonderfull children. they don't ask too much of me, they don't hurt me. All they do is love me, because i'm their mum. So simple.

They don't need to humiliate me to make themselves feel good. But apparently they have ruined my life.

 

I'm not myself around everyone i know. I always have to put on a facade for everyone i know, just to shut them up. For my MIL i pretend she is so wise about raising children, to inflate her ego so she leaves me alone. I pretend to be a hard *** infront of my boyfriend, just so he never knowes the things he says actually hurt me, I pretend to my whole family, that i'm happy, a good mum and i love my boyfriend.

I pretend to everyone i know, that i'm this happy, fun loving person, when really i'm not, i've never been sadder.

I pretend to strangers on the street that i'm not poor or any of the other steryotypical things that get put on me for being a young mum.

I'm so sick of having to act all the time, just to stop people notocing me. I'm so sick of caring what people think of me.

I want a new life, i want to start again, just my children and me. get away from everyone i know.

But it will never happen. If i was to leave my partner, i'd still have to see him, so he can see the kids, i would still have to see my in laws so they could see my kids, i could never dissapear on my sister because it would break her. I can't leave my friends and community because my partner won't move.

All i do is make excuses why i can't do anything.

Sometimes i feel so crap, that this is how my life turned out.

astormbroke astormbroke 18-21, F 5 Responses Jun 22, 2008

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When I read these stories, I realize that we all are part of this community...a community of women and mothers that have become isolated in our roles. I have said this to my husband (who I think hears my tears and fears as "blah blah blah" at this point)...I wish that I lived in a commune so that there were others with whom to commiserate, others that would help me be objective about my problems, others that would pick up the slack when I am feeling less than energetic or able, others that would help physically raise my child...the list goes on and on. I feel so needy, and that I am an emotional burden on my daughter's father, who sometimes seems almost sociopathic when it comes to being able to empathize with my depression. His favorite mantra is "Get over it." I do not know how to "get over" these feelings that I wake to every morning. Ironically, being a mom is saving me from total collapse. I see hope, fun, love and a future when I am with my daughter, which is most all of the time. I just wish that I could feel the same positivity outside of my role as Mom. I just turned 35, and my little girl is 22 months.

I'm right in this with you. I am divorced, four kids and 32 yo. My nearest realitive lives 350 miles away. I did not grow up in this state and because of a more than full time job, and four kids, I don't do anything other than those two things. I have no friends other than the employees that pretend to like me because I am their boss at work.



The worst things that I experience is when the daycare or the hospital asks for an emergency contact that lives within 30 miles. . . . . Its so hard for me to admit that I'm pathetic, I have no one. and I am probably not going to meet anyone any time soon because like I said all I ever have time to do is kids and work.



I have been divorced for 3 years. dated a little but since i only work and do kids they are people I met while at work which I won't do again.



stuck . trapped by my life.



frustrated. no help. no end in sight

Im 22 and have 2 kids. Alot of the times, i feel like i really screwed my life up. I have a loving husband to take care of me and the kids- but here i am, 22 with 2 kids, ive been divorced and through all kinds of crap. I miss having me time and doing things that other girls my age do- i know that my kids didnt asdk to be born, but i was young and stupid and didnt know what i was getting myself into. I love them more than anything in this world- but most of the time, i really dont htink im 'cut out' for it.



I feel so sad and angry with myself and my situation. Ive only had 1 job my whole life and i never finished high school, i so i dont have a GED. I plan on going to school to do all of that and become a nurse- but i dont have anyone to watch the kids and to be honest i think the extra stress of school on me would be the very last straw.



Im so torn, i dontknow what the hell to do. I love my kids so so so very much and i dont know what i would do without them, but sometimes i feel like just leaving them in the care of others and leaving to do something for myself for once. As nice as it is to have a husband that workds and lets me stay home with the kids ( who are 2 and 5 years old btw ) its not always as nice as it sounds. I dont like relying on others- i want my own life. I have serious anxity and metal issues and everyday i ask- who much more of this can i take?



Im so lost and confused and have no idea what to do to make it better. I want to talk to a therapist, because i have no one else to talk to- but we cant afford it.



Do i even want to be me anymore?

Hi there I am new to this all I can say is I am there with you right now but the difference is I am nearly 40 and have a 2yr old little girl who is the best I am married with a good husband but I too have feelings like you. I dont think age is a factor and the people around you need to realize that, having children at any age is very difficult without the right support. You sound close to your family which is great and not so good with your partner maybe. Myself my husband is my only support and thats a drain on both of us, I am coming to believe that it is extremely hard for most to get the support us women need today , everybody is much busier today. I don't know about you but my hospital experience ripped my soul out when I had my daughter and with that went my self-esteem therefore making the rest of my time as a mum extra challenging and leaving myself vulnerable in my emotions. I don't know if this is relevent to you but I would like you to know you are not on your own in your feelings and it might help you to know that you have helped me 100fold to know that my way of thinking is not crazy. Enjoy your young years with your children and when hassled tell them not to judge but help cause you know someone who left it later and still life is not perfect. And one other point I would like you to remember is doesn't matter what your age when it comes to havin kids all past mothers seem to have to prove they did it better in times harder maybe because motherhood is hard for everyone and we all feel like a failure most of the time. My goal for now is to find myself again so I can be stonger cause I think everyone loses a part of themselves when they have a child. When real sad look at your kids and think " I made them" and think nobody else on earth was good enough to do that. Lots of luck thanks for your help. CC

makes me feel so sad to hear you say all this im only 21 n trust me i could never imagine what your going through



theres no point staying with a guy just coz his ur kids father,thats gona break u more, if u love him stick with him how long you been together dont mater at the end of the day u need your happiness even if it is away from him, seeing him once in a wile is ook, u might have a different life so seeing him want mater, u'll tak ur children to him and come back to a new life u built for urself, with just ur kids and u.



making yourself depressed for other people is the worst thing, u might show ur children ur happy but they will no they always do, there are babies with r blood running through them they no wen there mums having a bad day, dont hide ur scares by beeing fake. smile coz u have a reason to smile not coz u wnt people to think ur fine, laugh as loud as u want coz ur happy not to show people things. they dont matter. ur young dont b scared ur children will grow up to love u regardless of watever, u dont need boyfriends dat hurt u, u dnt need nagging in laws.



make ur life complete before u get trapped in this for to long, u aint poor u got to kids, and ur young so what.at least there yours. dont make the mistake of putting on a front for others, what does it matter, theres better people out there for you,people you wont have to pretend to. be happy u got 2kids u dont need the rest



xx