18 Months and Counting

I can't talk anymore about this to my best friends and I think by turning to this page I can have a peace, at least for a day. A peace for a day is such a luxury for me as a glass of water in desert. I would like to thank this website, at last I found somewhere I feel I belong to.

In front of friends and my beloved ones, I project myself to be a strong and positive person, while in fact deep in my heart I feel such huge pain from the containing the feelings of uselessness, incompetence, fool, shame.

18 months have done a lot to me. It destroyed my personality, my confidence, affected my behavior. Sometimes I find myself to be very angry to a little unimportant thing my beloved one did, something in normal circumstances will go unnoticed, such as not plugging off the computer cable, which is actually completely fine and harmless.

18 months makes me an extreme sensitive person, changed my showing love to my beloved one with anger rather than tender. I love you, forgive me for all the hurting words I said. It was not me honey. You have been very supportive and helpful, yet I returned the favor with anger and ignorance. It was just I am too ashamed to myself.

I hope I get a job soon. I will buy you a rose with my first salary. We will go to movie. I will take you to restaurant. You deserve all those with your salary supporting our lives, but I always shrug off your request for a movie, because I want to take you there with my money. I hope you understand me.

iamafool iamafool
1 Response Feb 16, 2009

Your money...Her money...Are you married...How about it be...OUR Money...And together deciding how it is spent....But you do not have to go out to a movie....How about this...<br />
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Make a picnic dinner.....Wine...cheese...crackers....sausages....Or chicken...Hot dogs....Pizza.....<br />
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Spread out a blanket in front of the telly....And pop in a DVD.....Make it a drive in movie night...and never leave home....hehehehehe Could be fun....<br />
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To a woman...It is the thought that counts...Rally...We are not just paying it lip service when we say that....Think about the times when you were dating...and did not have much money.....Relive those times little one....ANd have a blast...<br />
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ANd then when you go to work....Yea...Make it a nice dinner at a nice rest...But it will be the In home Drive in movie nights that she will think of when you both are old and gray...For we always think fondly of the bad times...and all of the things that got us through them....<br />
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Good luck