My Husband Is Manipulating Me

34 year old wife and had been married for 6 years and no kids. During those six years, I only see my husband had a job for 2 weeks. I always pay the bill, buying groceries etc. every time I confront my husband about getting a job, he always said because of me he don't have a job. He said that when he comes home late I always call him on his cell phone and he feels embraces because of that.  Actually the only situation is he usually come home around 9pm and its past midnight so I call him. He told me he was at a meeting, and then I found out that he was at a hotel with another woman. He asks his boss to clarify it, but his boss did not confirm. Because of that situation he always uses that as a reason not to work.

Also I try to ask his brother and sister, they said to me that my husband confess to them that he do not want to work because I’m already making enough money to pay the bills.

Now I’m in a situation where I have to go to my hometown. I can't bring him with me, so he is all alone. he always send me text message about how poor he is, how he is suffering, how I always get the good stuff because I have a higher education and I’m from a family that have good financial background.

He moves a lot of my things to his mom house, almost half of my things in my house. Now he is asking me to buy a laptop so he can send email and chat with me and the list goes on and on and on... I feel I’ll get broke soon if I keep providing for him and his mom all the time.

When we first got married, he demanded that I pay all the college tuition of his brother and sister (2 siblings in college). Then he ask me buy his mom a house (off course I said No).

Every time I see that bad in him, I always try to think the good things. Some situation I want to help him. If he has a better education maybe he can get a good job and help me pay the bill. If he feel confidence maybe he can get a job. Maybe something I can do to help him but I don't know what

Part of my heart said he is you husband and you need to be there and help him get on his feet again. The other part of me said, he's just using and manipulating you. When you don't have anymore money he will leave you.

that happen before, I tighten  my money then he choose to live with his mom, but as soon he see me shopping again then he come back home.

Now I’m in the process to purchase some properties, before I do that I need to be sure that can he be the person I expect him to be. I’m afraid that he will be like usual. When concerning money I always want excluded him because I feel it’s not his money, it's my money he don't need to be part of it.

It’s my paycheck not his paycheck, it's my sweat, my time, my hard work.

some people said divorce him, I’m not that sure because I’m getting old and I don't look as pretty as  usual and I’m overweight. Just thinking going back to the dating game, learning men's behavior it will be so tired. At the same time I don't want to live alone. What if something happen, if I get sick who will call 911 for me...why is it so difficult to find a responsible men who don’t like to manipulate the whole situation.

When I meet a guy I never see are they rich or poor, always is do they love me or not. Now it seems my husband is only after my money and that’s what makes my heart broken. Right now I’m just hoping a miracle to happen. I’m just hoping he will change.

I don't have any support from anybody no one to talk too no one to share this. Totally I’m alone.....

Does anyone experiencing the something as I am can someone share something so I won't get lost



janice34 janice34
31-35, F
4 Responses May 11, 2010

lizziecolby@ thank you for your response, all this time i don't give him any money. i thought by doing that he will change. it seems like there is no progress at all.<br />
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Carsea74@ i have a reason why i'm so accepting. when i was younger probably i was selfish that i have a certain standard in choosing a man. That is why i feel that nobody is perfect, so i have to be able to accept the good things and the bad things. Now, it's very difficult for me to run that principle.somehow something in me just want to breakout from this situation. I thank you for your support because i really need that, i need feel i can do this. I can step free and run a new life, having new goals try to wake up every morning feeling happy. before i married him i always think positive, now i'm always suspicious about everything. trust me i will try a step at a time.<br />
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Petraa@ i understand you have similar situation. my question, how do you deal coming to an empty home everyday? how do you deal with this lonliness? if you need to share something about life who do you talk to? probably that is my major concern right now the fear of lonliness.<br />
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Wonders@ i hope i can be strong.

You will only ever stay miserable as long as you are wed to this man-child. I'm sorry to be blunt, but deep must know that it's the truth. Best of luck and hope to you my dear. This is a trend that many men are following, be aware of what is going on in the world. The truth shall set you free.

What a leech!!! Sorry to disrespect your husband but he is disrespecting you even more with his behavior.OMG!!!...I can't even bear the thought of you still wanting to be with him.When younger,you worked and studied hard to achieve something better in life,to have a better opportunity to succeed,you worked hard because you thought you were gonna have find someone with similar goals,education and lifestyle.But here you are,stuck with someone that does not even appreciate the fact that you are trying to help him to better himself,but guess what ,he doesn't want to and he will NEVER do it because his wife makes good money to support him and he doesn't have the need.I see that you have some issues in how you see yourself,to quote you "some people said divorce him, I’m not that sure because I’m getting old and I don't look as pretty as usual and I’m overweight"....getting old?...what's too old,75?,you mean 350 lbs?...not as pretty as usual? who is to tell?...girl,I don't even know you and I already see that you have a BIG heart and your husband (soon to be ex if you listen to you family and friends)is just USING you.There's no way around it,there's no way to call differently...<br />
You know how many men will trade lives with your husband in a second?...if I wasn't happy in my relationship,you could add me to that

Dear Janice,<br />
You are a great wife and your husband need to appreciate you, he might find a woman and have fun with her, but he will never find a fine wife like you. You need to make him appreciate you and respect you, and by the way sweety you are married to him and not to his family, he must live two lives one as a member in his family and the other is as your husband, and if he can't act as a husband than you cant act as a wife.<br />
Start by putting your money in the bank and no one but you can touch it, use the money to pay the bills and buy groceries and all the essentials, but don't give him any money for his own use, let him get it alone, i mean if you will work to get money to buy the essentials let him work to get money to buy the non essentials.