Isolated From Oblivious Parents... I Need A Friend!

I'm pretty much isolated from everyone actually. but what hurts the most is my mom. we've always been best friends but it's like she suddenly doesn't even know i exist. i'm about to go to college, but i'm not gone yet. she doesn't even ask my how my day was when i get home! i'm literally not here to her. it's been a week since i last hugged her goodnight. i tried, but she was too busy with work. she only talks to me to ask when she has to pick up or drop off and that's it. any time i try to talk to her, it's like i'm bothering her. i can't talk to her about this kind of thing because she just gets mad. i mean i can't bring it to her attention that she's emotionally abandoning me or she'll just treat me like i'm three and get mad. my sister is autistic so she's had to deal with a lot and i've always had to take care of myself. that's not the problem. i don't want her to take care of me. i want her to love me. i want her to care that i had a bad day. i want her to know that i'm scared about my future and that i need help making the right decisions. i want her to know that i have decisions to make! i am homeschooled so i don't have friends from school. i used to not miss out on friends though because everywhere i went, i had a gazillion friends and everyone always said i knew more people than they thought possible and everyone loved me. but now i go to this very demanding ballet school and i have had to withdraw from all my groups and activities other than ballet. so i never see my friends. i never talk to them. and if i do, it's polite i miss you talk. all my super close friends are just as busy as i am and we never see or hear from each other. i have friends at ballet but they are not like my best friends that i can discuss anything with or go anywhere with or just hang out with for no reason. they're also younger than me by a few years so they're mentally just different. there's nothing wrong with that. but i feel so isolated. so alone. i'm sure people understand what i'm going through, but i don't have anyone close enough to care! i feel like i've been cut off from my parents, sister, friends, (now x)boyfriend... i feel so alone right when i need the most support. this is a serious time in my life and i'm afraid of making the wrong choices and ruining it. i'm not saying i need someone to hold my hand and make my decisions for me. i'm saying i need at least one person in the world to care if i do mess up. to listen to my fears. to tell me it'll be alright. i need someone to care if i die. have you ever thought about if you died today, who would come to your funeral? i feel like my parents would forget to tell people i died and those they did tell would probably send a card to my parents and not come. i just need a friend to talk to. someone to let me know they're there for me to smile at and say this is what i'm thinking, this is what is scaring me today and this is why i'm trying so hard to make everything right. i need someone to care.
rosborne rosborne
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 27, 2010

Wow......you sound almost word for word like I was three years ago. There was this nine month span in which I didn't talk to a single person in the world. I went to school, slept, and ate (very rarely) never once coming in contact with another human being. I've asked myself millions and millions of times if a single person would come to my funeral (and to this day I still quite often wonder). I've noticed that as humans we desperately need someone who we feel does in fact care. I don't know if you're like me in the sense that you'll push people away and hurt badly when they leave but I sure hope you're not. If there's one story in this entire world I can relate to, it's what I just read from you......