My History With Bffs

today i was thinking that i should start a diary (no homo)journal. I dont know why but i just felt the need to.i think its because i feel so alone sometimes. im not alone persay a life companion but a true freind that i can relate to on all fronts. dont get me wrong im not antisocial i just dont like talking that much if i feel like you dont unerstand what im saying. i have either a paranoya or a weird talent for detecting fake or convient freinship. imean everyone isnt gonna feel what your saying all the time but you can tell when some one genuinely can talk to with you and have fun just relating on something not the latest funny joke or the new hot thing but anything. im talking about anything some one who will laugh just as hard at that one part of the movie with you no matter how many times you rewind it the person who is different but always can understand where your comming from.not everyone is the same but ...i dont know how to properly explain it. in my life my closest copaniion is my wife she supports me with all my decisions but i do the same for her she enjoys some of the things i do i enjoy some of her stuff too she is the one person i feel like i can talk to about anything and feel comfotable i love spend time with her she is my world and i will ride with her till the end. but someone who is kind of wise in their own way once told me that you wife cant be your only freind or best freind i kind of see what he ment my wife doesnt have a problem with me playing video games she says she like it pays attention to the different games i play but i know she s never gonna play a game of madden with me. she does like to play games too but she is more into computer card games and those cute (no homo) games like dinner dash i play sometimes because its there but im not rushing home to play or anything that would fall under the title of her kind of game with us there is those genras like my kind of movies she watches with me but she dosnt like it as much as i do. dont get me wrong i she actually pays attention some times she isnt fronting and she lets me know if she likes it or not she keeps it real with me and thats one of the reasons that i love her. i have lots of freind and aquenteces that i can call over to play with but i have a short tolerance for people i cant click with on all fronts some freind only like to play certain games with me some dont realy like playing like that so its just suck *** to have to accomidate someone else i wanna have a freind that can do evrything i can likes all the stuff i like can see things from my prespective and also present their own original interesting perspective knows when to give me my space knows the right time to talk to me just some one to go places with me so i dont feel alone and understand it without it having to be said i wish i could clone myself to hang out with someone like that but thats unrealistic. the only person that has even came close was my old best freind but my wife got even closer i appreciate her but she is my wife its supposed to be like that if not then the **** would i marry her for. me and my old freind promised to keep in touch when our lives took us to differnt places we tried to stay close but things changed he got too busy overachiving i went a differnt way our exciting topics were totaly opposite and we promissed to visit each other to hang out but it didnt happen like that so we went our seperat ways we act like we never knew each other were still freinds i guess like on myspace and facebook were still on each others top freinds list but we dont talk we dont call the last time i tried to reach out was his birthday and i got played i called him to say happy bithday he was wasted and kinda gassed me up saying he misses me(no HOMO) and we should catch up and that he hasnt forgotten me and that everyone that he knows knows who i am because he always talks about me. it felt realy cool for a minute cause i felt the same way i missed my good freind no best freind. so we schedualed a time to talk and catch up the next day because he was wasted at a party be he never called or wrote me online it kinda hurt i didnt cry or anything i just felt somekind of way so i got over it thinking he may have been too wasted and forgot so i called him and he was at work and would call me when he got out sounding as excited as before but still no call i posted him on his facebook wall which he uses frequently no response i let that go too. time went by i saw him on aim and said what up and we had a face 2 second hi and bye he was working on a paper stoped responding to my messages and logged of so i logged of and came back lie 10 mins later and he was on again he didn wanna talk it felt like he was avoiding me it felt obvious that things changed and i started to feel like a creepy stalker so i decided to leave the whole situation alone it dint really hit me untill like a couple days later that i really just got deaded hard body and it hurt so i guess i dont really talk to anyone like that anymore besides people that i have to be around like coworkers my wifes freinds their boy freinds neighbors alot of these people think were freinds but not realy in my eyes there just people that ive met who are nice but i know im not gonna be around them like that mabey its me im not sure but i am not a mean person at all im very nice to people i get along with almost everyone i meet i try to help whoever i can i dont let people take advantage of my kindness but i always give the bennifit of the doubt i dont judge people i meet because of how they dress pretty or ugly skinny or fat black white or any color i only judge you character by what you show me and if i dont wanna be around you i politely fade myself away from you. so i dont know i thing im a prety decent human being personality wise ijust dont know mabey im just not a people person oh well **** the world life will always go on i dont need freinds to live my life it would just make it a little nicer im surrounded by people who love me and i know it. it just would be nice if i had a real for real real best freind for life besides my wife.
alexan1989 alexan1989
18-21, M
Aug 16, 2010