It's Lonely Being Someone Else.I grew up in a small town, where everyone knew everyone, and at age 12, I had to stop being me. I never thought that I was any different than any of my friends, until the day my father bought a pool, and put it up in our back yard. I can vividly remember my mother, in front of my friends, "say, you have the breasts of a 12 year old girl". This is the day that changed my life, and how I felt, and still feel about myself today. You might imagine that you know how this would make you feel, but unless you have been there, I am certain you cannot. If you have not figured it out yet, I have gynecomastia, (man boobs), which requires surgery to get rid of. I am 48 years old, and I still tell people the lies, like, I don't like to swim, I stay out of the sun, because it's bad for you, I like wearing flannel shirts everyday. I smile at everyone, everyday, and put on the happy face. I truly believe that the people I work with, like me, they come to me for advice, and invite me out to eat, and to clubs, and dancing...you get the picture. Well, I don't go, because I am forced to be this people person hermit. I am very social, but I fear that my secret could get out. In reality, they probably know, but, just don't say anything. I have been divorced for 15 years, and I have not dated simply because of my secret. I have become over weight, and lazy because of this. I was divorced for several reasons, but the most prevalent to me is the fact that she used to call me fat, when I weighed 160 lbs. I did appear to be fat, but the fact is, I was in very good condition, I just had man boobs. I am not sure what do do, I do not have the $10000.00 for surgery, so I guess I am stuck with this life. I just want someone to accept me and let me be me.
Sorry for the rambling. I was just feeling the loneliness tonight.
Bantamman 46-50, M 8 Responses 0 Mar 16, 2012