Too Much Change!

I'm so confused about what's right anymore! I'm a sophomore in college and one of my best friends here is transferring. She transferred here from another school so I've only known her a semester, but we're kindred spirits. Having her here has made me realize how much I've been missing. I have friends. But not like I did at home. Having her here made me realize how unconnected I was with so many of my friends. All of them really. We are friends without being deep friends. I can't just be me and be understood. But I can with this girl who's transferring. And I don't know what I'll do without her. I feel like everyone's backup. The girl who was my closest friends last year kind of moved on to a new friend group because she didn't like my roommate (no one does, not even me) and now that the two main people in her friend group are starting to date, she's come back to me. And as happy as I am to be her close friend again, I'm still a little hurt at how obvious it is that she didn't really care if I was around until her friends started dating and things changed. I'm like her backup. But I still love her. I just feel alone because my close friends here are either leaving, graduating, or we've fallen out. I don't know who I'm going to hang out with. I just don't feel like this small school atmosphere is working. I need a big city! But the classes are good and I'm afraid to transfer or start over so I won't. But I'm not really happy most of the time. I feel like I'm missing so much. And then so much at home is so confusing. I am paying my own tuition now so I need to work as much as I can. But my mom always tried to tell me and my sister not to work while we were in school because you miss so much of the experience. But that's impossible. And if I'm missing the experience should I even be here? I mean I'm here for the education I know but everything feels so wrong and confusing and I'm so lost and I feel like I've suddenly gone from having so many friends to having absolutely none and being completely invisible. But I'm sure it all has to do with the emotional exhaustion from finals. But I just need to talk. I have no one to talk to anymore. My moms not there for me like that and I don't have contact with my dad. I feel alone and hopeless.
rosborne rosborne
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 6, 2012

im kinda going through the same, i used to have friends and now no one really talks to me anymore, if you need anyone to talk to im here