Struggle With High School and My PastSo I am a high school senior, and college apps are piling up.
I'm feeling panicky and my stress level is going up...
I have had a very difficult childhood; my dad was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive towards me and my mom.
They still live together, but they don't fight anymore.
I used to do well in school (all A's), but my grades started to drop when I reached a breaking point.
Now, I feel like my mind subconsciously has a block that makes me avoid doing (home)work because of all the painful memories associated with it. (Instead of recognition, I'd have to hear my parents fighting)
I feel like if i try again, there will be something that will push me down again, and break me (emotionally).
I can't really talk about my emotions, and I got used to suppressing them and telling myself that no one cares - that I don't care.
I feel like im in a bubble; and I don't feel in control of myself; I don't feel happy that my grades slipping at school.
I don't know what to feel towards my parents who are, now, trying hard to make up for all the hurt they've given me.
I want to do well, and make my mom proud. But recently she is getting upset because her efforts to cheer me up haven't really worked.
That she's upset isn't a strong enough motivation for me to do work again, because she has hurt me in the past (by complaining about my dad my whole life.)
I just want someone to talk to. Is that really too much to ask?
I have considered dropping out of school second semester of senior year.
But anyway, I'm glad that I can talk about my story, at least here.
Thanks for listening. <3