I Wrote This At Work

i'm supposed to be getting ready to leave my job, my paperwork sits beside me, i stare blankly at the screen and watch words appear as i type them.

i feel so alone, i don't know if it's my job, my environment, me, or the rest of the world. I have good habits, at least what i think to be good, i really take care of myself, give to others, take care of everyone i can think of.

some things are out of my reach but i wonder if it just how things are meant to be.
i feel like my head isn't screwed on right, my ambitions and overall drive to live is deteriorating.

I wonder if I fast will it help? I exercise, i eat great food, i enjoy every moment i get in the present moment, but i feel like it's all slipping away.

I remember a time where things were so wonderful, everyday day i would go to sleep wondering if i would still feel so good when I woke up the next day... even i would even wake up. I was proud of all my actions and was prepared for that day to be my last, and yet each day was more amazing then the next.... I just want that feeling back.

i wrote this on one of those days:

My story is about the countless times i have watched shawn achor and simon sinek speak. I try each time to better study their facial expressions and hand gestures and their overall interactions and communications with the audience and i realize that the main core value i admire about both leaders is that they inspire me. They Inspire me by giving me a small shock that forces me out of my stressed and negative state and allows my mind to be in a neutral or positive state where learning becomes fun again. For some reason after hearing them speak, i started noticing all the whys, hows, and whats, of the world and along with a little bit of positive psychology i found myself a genuine leader who lives to inspire others.

I came home one night and noticed my girlfriend sitting on her bed, she seemed stressed and something in me made me want to reach out to her naturally, not the generic tell me what's wrong and lets talk about it. She genuinely opened up to me and before we knew it we were laying side by side and we made our first song together. The point is that i was able to help in that moment of time, change the lens in which she views the world and when that genuine smile peaked in from behind that frown i knew i had her. she didn't stand a chance :)

I do believe there are a lot of traits that are inborn but both my leaders have developed their traits. I also believe that when i was little, my innocent mind slowly got forged from so many different points of view and i had let the stress and negativity in my life lead the dominant role and that is why i found myself dragging myself through life rather than enjoying it. There are several times in a day where i can shift my balance from positive to stressed or from neutral to stressed and sometimes even negative simply because i allow my natural instinct to be suppressed by my mind. And so i continue to develop my core values because i feel my inborn traits have been suppressed for so long.

I dunno, I gotta go, hope this helps

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 10, 2013