I'm Only A Little Girl:

Hello there, my name is Martha and I'm a 15 year old. In my short life my father tried to kill me, claiming that I wasn't his daughter. My mother after divorcing, dated a man. I was 5 years old when he started to molest me. Until now I haven't found the courage to tell my mother. My mom , thank God , left the man 1 year latter, but it was too late, the damage was already done.
Since first grade I was bullied because I was a little chubby. I had really long hair, it reached my thighs. They pulled it and even tied it up with my bag when I wasn't looking. They punched me, kicked me everyday. Once I even tried to stood up for myself and it got worse.
They followed me home, always making fun of my hair, my eyes, telling me I was fat and worthless.
In the 5th grade I was arriving home and found on my school bag a note. They wrote it. Saying horrible things. I started crying and went to the bathroom, grabbed a pair of scissors and cut all of my hair. My mom was shocked but didn't make any questions. I started cutting since that day. My legs and arms.
After that, I started showing symptoms of: depression, bulimia and anorexia. The teachers gathered and told my mom about it. She started crying and I started going to a therapist after school everyday.
On 7th grade I changed schools. I was really happy. Thinking that it would be different. I mean: I was skinny and I had no ugly hair for them to make fun of.
It was awful. They were even worse. Once I was in the bathroom and some girls arrived and banged my head against the wall until they broke my nose. Nobody cared. My mom had moved me to one of the worst schools, and seeing a girl with a broken nose wasn't anything new to them. Oh and I have straight A's, something that I am good at: tests. Even if I don't study I have always the best grade, which made them even more aggressive.
In the 8th grade almost all of my bullies forgot about me. I made a friend. Coincidentally her name was Martha too. We were almost best friends for a while until she found out that I suffered from depression and bulimia. Her parents didn't let her be my friend anymore. She herself didn't want to. I was crazy, that was what she told everybody. I tried to kill myself. My mom's current boyfriend found me cutting my wrists and took me to the hospital. I told him my story (except the molesting part) and he told me he understood very well. We shared stories and even laughed. He told me that this was only the begging of my life and that those bullies will disappear. Since that day I started calling him dad.
Finally, in the 9th grade, this year, people still make fun of me, I still suffer from bulimia and depression and it's harder everyday, but I still get up everyday and life a day at a time. I'm broken and I don't know if I will ever be fixed, but I need a friend, does anybody want to be a friend of this broken little girl ?
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

You have had it all but never give up. I have been threw countless years of alcohol and drug abuse, depression, completely hating myself, two suicide attempts, family problems. One thing I have realized is dont let anybody get the best of you. I pray a lot now try to do what I think is right and I will admit a lot of time I screw up we all have flaws its we do about it makes us who we are because doing nothing fixes nothing. Hang in there Martha sometimes the storm lasts longer than we want it to there is a rainbow out there, you have to be willing to look for it.

I've been thro something very similar to urs. Straight a student extremely tough life. Messed up parents over achiever n still things have been crazy
I warn u that they will get worse if u so not see ur surroundings. It's not u b eaten by the system if u do not open ur eyes. The man does not care n he will feed on ur short comings. I wish I could give i my email but this is public. Just be wary of the poison n society . They are building a prison for the weak n pained . The earth bleeds. The atmosphere depletes. The water dirty. Animals dying off the face of the earth. It's a harder world than u think. They want u to b a static