I sometimes hate to admit it, that I need someone to talk to. I need to hear a voice that echoes my own thoughts because it becomes unbearable to never be able to speak the words that has been cut out of my mouth as it has been deemed insanity by society. I am so tired of keeping everything inside my head and being judge harshly by what little I let out. In truth, I am scared to open up to people and I feel like I can no longer trust people. I have a tendency to build walls between people, and that can turn people away even if the wall is entirely made of paper.
When I was younger, I thought I could trust someone to know more about me then I let on, share the secret and real me. I thought we were close enough. He even told me more about himself then he did others and despite his flaws, I accepted him. I thought he would do the same. I was wrong, and I was hurt for the longest time when he threw me away.
I used to talk to people online and a few times I got "close" to these people, but it never went beyond an email or message. Even after months of endless conversation and planning to meet up despite the distances between us, some how, we faded. I don't want to waste my time anymore. I always wanted a friend that I can talk too freely in person, but I never really expected anyone to walk into my life and I am done giving myself false hope.

Yet, I want to be able to learn to trust again, and to open up to others. I have been hurt many times but that should not stop me from speaking my mind. Even if that means they do not understand or agree with me. I cannot hide my entire life.
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1 Response Aug 31, 2014

I can somehow relate as I've had to hide things from people simply because of how common it is for people judge you harshly without putting much effort into thinking what you might be really about.

These days if a person strongly believes in what is "sane" and what is "insane" I tend to avoid them as I know that they have no real clue what they are talking about. After many years of thinking that most people are like that I came to realize that there are many out there who don't mind listening to whatever you say and won't judge you but rather accept you as someone who keeps changing, learning and maturing so for them it would be completely pointless to judge you for something you had said the day before. No matter how strange, silly, hurtful or whatever.

I have a lot of "crazy" stuff to talk about too and love to share observations about life and other things with others even if those people do not agree with me or stay with me in the long run, it still feels wonderful to talk openly and honestly. Like you said, you really cannot hide your entire life.