No More Lonely Nights

I've been in a long-term sexless marriage and recently decided that I just can't live like this anymore. It had been so long that I couldn't even remember what it felt like to touch or hold or kiss a man, and I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night, dying inside a little more each day from the lack of touch.

I'm a very tactile, sensual person who loves men - as friends or lovers - and had a robust sex life before marrying "the man of my dreams", but the marriage turned into a nightmare when my husband stopped wanting to have sex.  He has issues that stem from an abusive childhood but has never been willing to address them. 

I've tried everything I can think of over the years to deal with this, but after all this time I feel like a shell of a person.  I always held onto hope that things would change one day, but he told me recently that he's never been interested in sex, just "faked it" for a while a the beginning for my benefit. 

That revelation led me to have a brief affair, and I can't believe that I let myself live for so long without this!  But I'm not willling to live without it any more, and would leave if it wasn't for our childen.

So I'm looking for a FWB solution until they get a little older.  I'm located in Ontario, Canada , and hoping to find a friend in similar circumstances.

Email me if you think we can help each other out!
egoteamo egoteamo
51-55, F
4 Responses Dec 11, 2012

Hey

Thank goodness your not in Texas, I understand more than people think. I wish you all the best.

wow there are sooo many of us in the same boat,, ,, i do miss the touch and intimacy,, im just starved,,

Um wat happened to getting a divorce some people take marriage vows seriously if you unhappy divorce him your situation isn't unique and no excuse to commit infidelity.

Who, exactly, would that benefit?

Your children and you if you were truly moral you wouldnt step out of your marriage to fulfill your needs you would do the right thing and get a divorce

Yeah, I'm still not following, I'm afraid. How does it benefit my kids to have their childhoods disrupted, and spend their teen years time-sharing between parents? Their dad and I get along well (we're best friends, which is why he cared enough not to want to go on watching me be clinically depressed and suicidal because of this - it was his suggestion that I look elsewhere for this since we have exhausted all options and he cannot provide this to me) and we co-parent extraordinarily well. My children only know that mom and dad aren't fighting anymore, and that mom is happier than she's been in a long time.

I'm afraid that you don't get to set the moral standard for my household, either. Sorry about that! We look to God for guidance and I believe there was a little something in the Bible about judging not, lest ye be judged. You might want to give it a read sometime. Lots of moral guidance in there.

But just a hint - focus on what Jesus said. Not what a bunch of imperfect, fallible mortals had to say. Just my opinion. As this is yours.

But this is the problem with absolutes. They don't fit very many actual situations. I guess that's why God gave us judgment and free will.

Have a good day!

Lmao Yea you do which is why you found it neccssary to respond in a long *** sentence you know what your doing is not only wrong but selfish and shows you have no true respect for yourself you putting your business on a social site for million s to see so you know someone besides myself is going to say something you need god ill pray for you.

I don't understand your need to come here and act superior? Why comment at all... Other than you feel the need to condemn her. What was it The Lord Jesus said about casting the first stone?


To egoteamo, sorry things have turned out this way. Stay strong. I hope it gets better. Also I for one as a Christian fell empathy, compassion and no judgement towards you. Smile, this too shall pass.

....to you, that may have been a "long *** sentence", to me, it simply kicked ***. Nothing egoteamo is doing is either wrong or selfish, you are just too narrow minded to get your head around this quite normal situation.

Why would anyone talk to their children in this way? Why would a parent tell a child it is okay to screw around? Maybe a loving parent, leading an authentic life will be able to talk to her children, in a loving authentic way. Maybe a loving parent will understand the importance of nurturing relationships, and will be able to talk about the devastating effects living a celibate life has on a spouse, when the other spouse unilaterally decides on this celibacy.
Sexuality and how sexuality is conducted, is highly personal and rarely needs to be discussed with children. I am highly sure that Egoteamo is not "screwing around" and therefore this subject is highly irrelevant. Open marriages are not normally filled with skeletons in closets and tense relationships prive of communication, unlike many traditional sexless marriages.

Ignore the haters, Ego. This is a matter between you and your husband. He's OK with you having a FWB on the side, so that's really all that matters right now. best of luck to you; I'm glad you're happy again.

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