I Really Don't Have The Words To Make A Title.I grew up a hard life for many years, I'm eighteen years old and I'm now living back in my small home town in Australia. I've been told I'm far too mature for my age and I agree, I can barely communicate with people the same age as me.
I crave artistic experiences, my life is so dull and this community is so closed-minded. There are no opportunities for me here at all. I feel like I'm just sitting and doing nothing. I'm currently doing an entry course to University, at first I was so happy - but this is really not what I want to do. I've always dreamed of being somewhere different. With odd and strange people, I need that kind of culture. I don't even like this country... I feel like there's nothing here for me. I've always dreamed of moving to America to live an impulsive life, find a job in the art industry.
I love getting my hands dirty. I've tried to apply myself to University so hard but I can't even complete a singular assignment, I can't even make the deadlines. I don't enjoy anything I do. I've struggled for depression for years and where I am just isn't helping. My family eases the burn of this, but it's starting to wear off. I don't associate with anyone my age in this community, I grew up here and I don't fit in with anyone here, I don't appeal to any of them either.
I don't mind having a small amount of money, I'm happy to live in a small place, surrounded by friends and art that I love. I'd be happy in a dingy studio apartment, with a mattress on the floor, just as long as I had the culture. I have no idea what to do, I'm so torn between my family and being happy. This is a huge step for me, actually doing something about this. I've been told I'm an idealist, none of these regular things satisfy me. I need to get out, move to the US and experience things. This has disabled me for years, I didn't even get to finish highschool I just couldn't cope with anything anymore.
It is such an astronomical step for me to move out of home, and into a foreign country, with no experience. But I feel like I need it.
I can't keep trying to find a new refuge and realising they're not making me happy and leaving things unfinished.