My Life

I was brought up in a wonderful home with fantastic parents. I know how lucky I am especially compared to some others.
My childhood has nothing but good memories.
Even as a child I recall thinking that god had something special in store for me such as a calling or even something more grand. This was a feeling I always carried with me. I have no reason why. But now that has long since gone.
I guess that things started to go wrong after leaving school and going from job to job without any purpose in my life.
I'm now 39, never married and no children of my own.
I've had a couple of special people in my life but I guess I wasn't good enough to keep them by my side. My heart now broken once too many times, I fear I will never allow myself to love again.
My friends who I would die for, soon forget when it's time to help, friends since childhood suddenly gone.
I still live with my ex partner in the spare room , seeing her every day, knowing what I've lost, but unable to move on or away due to financial issues.
With a broken heart and empty soul I go day to day wishing it would end.
Getting up in the morning is becoming harder and harder, no will or no spirit inside to keep me going.
Emptiness, lost, shallow, broken, hurt I just don't know anymore.
Why am I writing this? I honestly don't know.
nick4545 nick4545
36-40, M
1 Response Apr 14, 2012

Hi Nick. Here is my advice:<br />
<br />
1. You need to leave the house where your ex currently lives. You need to either go to relatives or rent a place if you can. Going to relatives is nothing to be ashamed of. You say you were brought up with a fantastic family- they should still be fantastic. <br />
2. You might want to think about seeing a doctor. It is a shock when your life changes so completely and you could actually be in shock. Shock isn't always exactly what you may think. If they offer you antidepressants I would say try my advice below first and give that a go first. They are said to be addictive and you can do without getting addicted to them, but I'm not a doctor so follow their advice not mine.<br />
3. If you don't have a job you need to try to find one asap. Routine and work takes your mind off problems and is good for you. If you do have a job stick at it. You might want to explain the situation if you can. People are normally supportive and what is happening to you is common although it doesn't feel like it at the moment.<br />
4. Do not blame your friends or feel resentful that they are not more supportive or as supportive as they were when you were young. Life has changed and they have other commitments now, and actually you wouldn't want them not to have happy and busy lives because as you say you care about them. Suggest you all go and do something fun together and try not to be upset, unless they ask you directly about it all, in which case I would say be honest about how low you are feeling.<br />
5. Do not rely on drink or anything else as it will make you more depressed and add to your problems in the long run.<br />
6. Do not feel you are to blame because people in the past haven't wanted to be with you. You are not, regardless of what you might feel like you did to drive them away. That is low self esteem talking because your situation is making you depressed. That is as simply as I can put it.<br />
7. Do not worry about the fact you haven't had children. The grass is always greener and actually you are free to do the things your friends with children are not! <br />
8. Following on from that point book a holiday if you can afford it as it will give you something to look forward to in the future. There are singles holidays out there and they are also not what you might think.<br />
9. Try to get some exercise each day, even if it's only twenty minutes walking. You know it is good for you!<br />
10. You may not feel like it or see the point in it but go and get your hair cut and take some pride in your appearance. It will make you feel more human. I promise.<br />
11. Look for a local support group for divorced people. If you are lucky and there is one nearby go along. <br />
12. Eat healthily.<br />
13. Do not get into a new relationship. Wait until you are happy with your new life.<br />
<br />
It takes six weeks apparently for humans to form a new routine and habit so give it all a good chance. It is also said to take people on average a full year to get over the end of a proper relationship so take it easy and give yourself time. Life will get better but you cannot stay where you are if it is to move on. Good luck!<br />
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