No Clue What To Do With This LifeI recently turned 27; I have accomplished a fair deal on the academic side. I have my masters degree and I have been an attorney for about 5 years. The only problem is that I have hated almost every minute of those five years, with my hatred intensifying each day that passed. I am not a people person so I virtually end up hating my clients. There is so much back-biting and wickedness in the profession that I also hate my colleagues and keep distance between me and them. No one seems to understand; everyone thinks that it is a "good' job/career and that I should just suck it up I guess. But who feels it knows it.
While I was studying, I was told that having a law degree opens so many doors for you; this is false. Where I am from it shuts many doors as no one wants to hire a lawyer to do anything apart from law which I positively do not want to do. I recently quit my job having reached my breaking point and I have been applying like crazy for jobs locally (suffering the shame in this small island of being rejected or ignored for these jobs), regionally and abroad but with no luck. Although I would be willing to move/work/live anywhere and I desperately want to escape from this myopic country, I am encountering it seems insurmountable immigration obstacles. Not to mention financial hurdles as well as I sit and watch my few pennies dwindle.
I have thought about just packing up and getting on a plane to go anywhere but I can't even decide on where and I am racked with the fear of just meeting even greater failure wherever I choose to go. But perhaps that risk is greater than simply staying in a country where I don't want to be feeling trapped. I don't know; I don't seem to know much of anything right now really.
With every day that passes I seriously lose hope. I have had many people tell me that I am destined for great things and that I will be prosperous; where is this prophesied prosperity while I die inside each day? I have also had close (ish) calls with death and at the time, I convinced myself that I was saved so that I could step into this wonderful happier life ahead of me. Now, I am almost convinced that I was 'saved to suffer' in this life. Most days I can't even muster up the energy to be fully sad; I am just more listless and hopeless. A mere cracked shell of the person I once was and with nothing to look forward to and no hope to keep me going. I just don't know what to do and don't know if I have the energy to do 'it' even if I found out what I should do.
Nel7771 26-30 4 Responses 0 Aug 14, 2012