Is That Really What I Was Supposed To Write?

You know it seems to me that I need to write some more on the subject. I just posted a story but it doesn't feel like I said enough. I can tell you all the bad things that are happening in my life right now. I can tell you I am overwhelmed right now. It's true...nothing is going the way I want or expected it to. But it is so much more than that! I am so much more than that! I can write about how sad and confusing my life is and how my ex left me. I can tell you that I have never once been asked out on a date in my life. I have never had a man ask for my phone number. I am terrified right now that I will never find any one who is worth a damn. I don't know how to meet people. I don't have many friends. I'm 30 with a child and no steady job. Why would anyone want me?    CAN ANY ONE IDENTIFY WITH ANY OF THAT?    I bet you can on some level.    But the fact is that I am better off now than I was. My ex started using Methamphetamine. He is being evicted. I am 30 I am smart. I am back in school. I am on welfare and food stamps and Medical. Wow that all sucks. I hate having to depend on handouts. But I'm not the only one involved in this nightmare. I have a 3 year old son that I have to look out for. I have to be strong. I can't break down and cry because he doesn't understand why I am sad and I REFUSE to talk bad about his father! I have no one to talk to. No one who truly understands what I am going through. That is why I wanted to see this sight. And I'm glad I have. Writing that first "Story" made me realize that I was looking at it from the wrong perspective. I needed to share that with you because I hope that saying this will help someone else out there who is struggling with all the horrible things in their lives. Look to the good things because if you let yourself get overwhelmed with what might have been or what could be. One thing that I heard recently and absolutely loved was this... "YOU NEVER KNOW JUST HOW STRONG YOU ARE UNTIL YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BE STRONG"

NoWhereToGoButUp NoWhereToGoButUp
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 9, 2010

thankyou, i also lived in fairfax as a kid; sausilito and san is pretty different over here. alot hotter and not as much excitement! see ya<br />

absolutely we can be friends. I grew up in Mill Valley. my dad worked in Sausalito. Beautiful place. Glad to know you are trying to make a go of things. Getting our lives back in order isn't very easy is it?

Dear NoWhereToGoButUp,<br />
I am a 40 yr old mother of 3 sons, living in alexandra hills, queensland, Australia.<br />
I originally came from larkspur CA. about 30 yrs ago. We sailed over here on a 30" trimaran (harmony), back in 1977; gaining permanent residency in oz in 1980. I relate to you and your situation.<br />
I however have been unemployed for 20 yrs... I'm on a pension for my mental illness ( bi polar disorder) and survive off government handouts. Shaming isn't it? This year i'm returning to university to complete my bachelor of social work. I'm also seriously looking for part time work, wanting to spring clean and decorate my house and plant a garden ( which i know nothing about). Plus i'm trying to lose weight and get fit! I hope you reply to this message and that we can be friends.<br />