Not Really A Story I Just Have No One To Vent Everything Too.

Well. Anyone who reads this may think I'm a sook or weird or annoying or anything but why are you even reading if all you're going to do is judge? well I just need to get some things off my chest ... even though it's on the internet.... Oh well , you get the gist of what I'm saying. So for starters I hate my body. I'm not what you would call fat not skinny but leaning a bit more towards skinny. But lately i've been gaining weight and my grade 9 grad dress is starting to get tight and I'm hating myself for it. I try so hard not to eat junk food & exercise but it's actually so hard for me. Not liking any vegetables besides 2 or 3 doesn't help either. So I tried to make myself throw up , it didn't work out to well , it only made my throat soar. So that made me mad, then on top of that my best friend that i've had since I was a baby is graduating grade 12 in a few days , but she lives a few hours away from me and I really want to go out there but my mother is not letting me all cause she thinks I'm going to drink at the after grad party? which I told her multiple times I won't , I guess she knows me to well.. But idk she may let me but the way she was talking to me .. so hypocritically made me mad as well. ALSO , on top of everything else I have THE most shittiest love life you could ever imagine , and i really don't know why cause not to be cocky or conceited but I'm not that ugly , I may not be drop dead gorgeous but I'm far from greasy and gross , I personally don't find myself very attractive but I'm told otherwise by people.. So idfk. But along with the ****** love life I maybe just maybe falling for my best friend but I don't know if I am or not at first I thought maybe it's just people getting into my head , I mean how could I love the boy? we're too close to risk anything , and he looks at me as a sister + he's basically with another girl which upsets me a little bit. And I find him utterly beautiful even though he's short:) and when he hugs me or touches me in any matter i love it and I always want to be with him , and i get jealous when I see him with her and I often find my self thinking about him a lot. So what does that mean? Do I like the boy? I don't know truly I don't and that frustrates me a lot. Nobody knows about these feelings toward him though. It's tough bottling stuff up , but I do it a lot. Also I cut myself a few times. no ones knows that and I got drunk my last visit to my hometown and i ******* loved it. And I can't wait to do it again , and I'm loving getting this stuff out there! haha , but ya that's it I'm glad I could vent but now I'm just tired. Tired from the world from everything, thinking too much. But it's all I can do I guess , Life's a *****. 
fuckbitches fuckbitches
13-15
May 7, 2012