I Am A Mess

I am a 50 yr old female alkie and have been out of work for over a year. I am finding my age is a factor in jobs and I have screwed my life up to the point that I owe the IRS money 6 grand I have had 2 DUI's and am pretty much unemployable due to DUI's and having no licence and a bad credit rating. I have been sober for months at a time and AA just does not fit for me (I get that it is an all or nothing proposition and I just do not want to apply myself) so I am long past being a functional alkie and just a binger. I just got a part time at best job and am waiting on pins and needles for the IRS to swoop in and take that. I live with my BF and he has no clue about the IRS and bad credit. I was recieving 500 a month back owed child support and that has ended as of this week BF is aware of that. I am freaking out and decided to drink after 6 months of sobriety. I know I have no control of the $$ and total control of the drinking yet I am beside myself...........a
Tish Tish
41-45, F
May 24, 2012