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I Don't Know...

I don't know. I'm a 17 year old boy, or man? I don't really know but, then again I really don't care...
Anyways.

I'm glad a place like this exist, where people can comment and don't even need to know who you are, and it's jut a place to vent. My goal is to not delete anything.
Anyways again, let's just start...?

I'm 17. In a couple weeks, I will be starting my last year in a very successful high-school. I'm a fairly good student, I don't get in trouble, I don't cause trouble, my grades are actually quite decent (even though my sister is doing WAY better than me), and I finally found out what I've wanted to do with my life. But...

Something is missing. Something really big is missing in my life. I don't know what I'm missing or why I'm so depressed. My family life is going quite well, even though we've had struggles in the past with both of my parents having an affair at a young age, or my parents yelling it out in front of us.

Something about me... I was a mistake. Literally, I was a mistake, I wasn't suppose to be born, in fact I was supposed to be aborted. To make matters even worse, they made a mistake with my name. It was suppose to be Christopher, with a "CH" not a K". Kristopher was a mistake.
I feel...
I feel like I have something bigger in my life waiting for me. I don't know what. I don't believe in god, but I feel like something is calling me... I don't know what, I feel like the world is just sending some sort of vibe and it's resonating with me. I feel like I'm suppose to do something bigger with my life. I feel like the world wants me to do something big and is sending people in my road of life. I feel like I'm suppose to the be the start of something, like a chain reaction. Like the world has made me the little spark, that will trigger those other people to do something big.

Maybe it's pressure, I don't know. But the reason why I'm so depressed...
is because I'm also being realistic with myself, on how out of 7,031,379,406 people in this world, I am also another number. Nothing special, only something normal. Nothing more, nothing less. I've gone and rambled too much.

I don't want to be another number in this world...
Flybybirds Flybybirds 16-17 Aug 14, 2012

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