My Life Is So Up And Down...right Now It's Down.

One day I love my life, the next I want to burn everything I walk near to the ground. I get really good grades and I'm never recognized, everyone just expects it at this point. Other kids get money or gifts if they get their grades up, but I have a 4.39 GPA and haven't received a thing in all my life for my grades. It's not that I want stuff, it's just that school is all that I'm good at and I'm hardly, if at all, recognized for it.
Next, sports are hard. I used to be the fastest and strongest kid out there. Then I blew out my knee and got lazy. Now I'm lifting less than I was a year ago, which should by no means be happening. GIRLS on the hockey team and my crush can lift more than I can. My ego was just destroyed and all I want to do is work out every day, but I can't. I'm sick right now beyond belief and I need to have rest days. When I do work out, I hardly ever do more than before, I just get stuck. I'm stuck in this loop of pathetic weightlifting and being ashamed of how much I lift. I also can't run. I'm super slow and I can't get faster, no matter how much I try. I got up every day at 6 over the summer to run sprints and I didn't notice any change. I'm not a bit faster than I was before.
Finally, to top it all off, my "love life", or lack thereof, is pathetic. I've had crushes since second grade and the closest I've ever come to accomplishing ANYTHING from one was when a girl used me to get to my friend. Now I see her everyday and can't stand the thought of her. I've had my heart broken so many times and I'm seriously worried about prom. I'm not going to be able to go with anyone since the only time I had a date to a dance was with the girl I mentioned before. My current crush doesn't even notice me. I think about her all the time but I haven't said a word to her in almost two years. I miss when life was simple. This sucks.
swimlax swimlax
18-21
1 Response Nov 29, 2012

Hun I know what you're going through but I promise you after high school it's almost like everyone changes I've been out of school about 5 years and very single person I have ran into since I graduated has changed ... DRAMATICALLY plus boys take longer to grow into an adult than girls. I used to be so nerdy and scared to talk to hardly anyone bc I was afraid I would say something stupid. I run into people all the time from school now and they act completely different, high school is just an awkward place and it only lasts 4 years.