No Means, No End.
I'm at a place where I'm stuck in every sense of the word. I was laid off my job, i currently have no income. I have bills to pay that I can't, and I'm spiraling downward. And school just makes life harder. In regards to school, I graduated high school in 2008. Its been 4 years and I have yet to receive a degree. My declared major is Nursing, I have one more prerequisite class to take. But failing various classes tanked my GPA (You know its bad when you're suspended twice for not maintaining a 2.0 GPA) So I decided to take EMT classes, I figured after one semester I would be able to work as an EMT, assuming I pass. I'm currently not passing, and the odds of me turning this around to where I can actually pass are very slim, if even. Among financial and academic issues, the house I reside in is not where I want to be. I live with my parents. My father and I don't get along, nothing new. We're better off that way, its easier. Now my mother is still with my father even though he had a woman on the side, I have yet to understand why she stays with him, whatever. And my mother and I argue at the simple things that really don't matter. The fact of the matter is that I've been in this house for way too long. I strongly desire to move out and not be here, but financially I can't. I want to be out on my own, completely away and absent minded from my father. I just want to acquire a job where I make enough to support myself, and still have room to live. The job I had before kept me afloat, but couldn't elevate me. I want to be ON MY OWN!! Typically people think of school being they're ticket out, but for me it isn't. Mentally my mind isn't there. I struggle with classes, like i am now, and I regret the idea of even trying. I do have some regrets, I should have chosen EMT to begin with in place of Nursing, but such is life. I honestly don't see myself being successful in school, I don't think I'm capable of achieving a degree. Its been 4 years and I still have nothing to show for it. The odd thing is I believe people see me as a capable, smart person, a person who can and will achieve a degree. I have no idea why. I feel trapped with no way out, and this feeling that I have is always there. I consider myself a christian, a religious person; not the greatest but I do try. I've prayed and prayed and I feel like my prayers don't even graze the ceiling. I feel like I'm not being heard, like my concerns aren't important. I have literal financial deadlines I can't make because I have no income. I'm tired of praying and not reaping anything. As far as I'm concerned I'm on my own. Nothing has gone right for years, I owe money I can't pay, I can't find a good enough paying job to help me out in my endeavors, and school just isn't for me. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. I HAVE NO WAY OUT!