No Means, No End.

I'm at a place where I'm stuck in every sense of the word. I was laid off my job, i currently have no income. I have bills to pay that I can't, and I'm spiraling downward. And school just makes life harder. In regards to school, I graduated high school in 2008. Its been 4 years and I have yet to receive a degree. My declared major is Nursing, I have one more prerequisite class to take. But failing various classes  tanked my GPA (You know its bad when you're suspended twice for not maintaining a 2.0 GPA) So I decided to take EMT classes, I figured after one semester I would be able to work as an EMT, assuming I pass. I'm currently not passing, and the odds of me turning this around to where I can actually pass are very slim, if even. Among financial and academic issues, the house I reside in is not where I want to be. I live with my parents. My father and I don't get along, nothing new. We're better off that way, its easier. Now my mother is still with my father even though he had a woman on the side, I have yet to understand why she stays with him, whatever. And my mother and I argue at the simple things that really don't matter. The fact of the matter is that I've been in this house for way too long. I strongly desire to move out and not be here, but financially I can't. I want to be out on my own, completely away and absent minded from my father. I just want to acquire a job where I make enough to support myself, and still have room to live. The job I had before kept me afloat, but couldn't elevate me. I want to be ON MY OWN!! Typically people think of school being they're ticket out, but for me it isn't. Mentally my mind isn't there. I struggle with classes, like i am now, and I regret the idea of even trying.  I do have some regrets, I should have chosen EMT to begin with in place of Nursing, but such is life. I honestly don't see myself being successful in school, I don't think I'm capable of achieving a degree. Its been 4 years and I still have nothing to show for it. The odd thing is I believe people see me as a capable, smart person, a person who can and will achieve a degree. I have no idea why. I feel trapped with no way out, and this feeling that I have is always there. I consider myself a christian, a religious person; not the greatest but I do try. I've prayed and prayed and I feel like my prayers don't even graze the ceiling. I feel like I'm not being heard, like my concerns aren't important. I have literal financial deadlines I can't make because I have no income. I'm tired of praying and not reaping anything. As far as I'm concerned I'm on my own. Nothing has gone right for years, I owe money I can't pay, I can't find a good enough paying job to help me out in my endeavors, and school just isn't for me. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. I HAVE NO WAY OUT!
NoMeansNoEnd NoMeansNoEnd
2 Responses Jun 10, 2012

You are on the right path know you want better and you are on your way to better. Keep moving forward. Take the last course, be grateful for having a roof over your head and keep you thoughts positive. I see great things ahead for you my dear!

Reading your post made me think of when I was your age. I am not much older than you, but I remember the spiral I was in, and we are similar. I faced financial issues as well, I just let go and realized that holding on to a debt that was growing with fees was just causing me to feel even more despair. Call your creditors and tell them that you do not currently have a viable income. They will more than likely charge off on you which will make your credit horrible for 5-10 years. You may actually find a creditor that will be willing to work with you in your situation.
A reason school is not going well for you, you are not focusing, your mind may be divided on so many other problems you are currently experiencing. The issue with your parents, forgive your Dad because obviously your Mother has. You have to remember their relationship has nothing to do with you. It's their relationship and you do not have a say so in how, whom, or for long your mother will stay with your father.
Above all forgive yourself you are not letting others down, because they believe in you and you are having a rough patch that will enrich you and your future relationships. I remember I use to cry about my finances, cheating husband, and the school issues I was going through, God does hear your prayers, you have to hear when God is trying to help you out of the problem. During my marriage to the bad husband, I met three different men that were very kind, loving, and giving towards me. All Platonic. I will always believe they were the answers God was trying to send to me. I told each man no to marriage and stayed in the toxic marriage, this was never Gods choice for me. God wanted me to be happy and I was trying to hold on to what was not making me happy. The answers for your life are right in front of your face, you just have to trust God and be open to the answer. All through the marriage God kept sending me life lines, and as a person who was trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, God stayed patient with me and continued to send me the answers. The turning point for me was finally do the easiest, which was finally choosing what God wanted for me. I was very amazed at how fast everything turned around for me. I found a job and that job worked me 16hours plus per day. I did not feel tired as I was earning enough money to fix my financial messiness and actually get ahead and give to charities. So it seems like you are in a black hole with no way out but if you listen and follow what you feel is right you will be guided out into the light. Trust God with all your being and you will find a better and more improved life.