I'm Probably Overthinking This

I'm quite confused as of late... and I keep getting advice that isn't relevant... Its a perplexing issue and I guess this is a good place to start looking for advice.

I met a girl a couple years ago in my English class and we became great friends. However, we stopped talking for a while as the year ended. But this year we started hanging out more because we were both in Marching Band and I could tell she had taken a liking to me. So did the other band kids; I was encouraged to ask her out. We went out on a date later and we we've been going out the last couple of months. She is quite shy and awkward, but smart and very sweet, and I am awkward myself so it worked out in some weird way. The relationship was slow going, but that didn't bother me too much.

Anywho, she broke up with me out of the blue a couple weeks ago because she has trouble getting close to people because of her upbringing. Her parents are Persian and strict with her... as well as slightly racist. Her mother didn't like me because I am half-Mexican and half-Irish. Her father (whom she doesn't see often) is a very strict man. To say he is unfriendly is a rather large understatement. He had kind of messed up her views on love and this lead to her having trouble with emotional attachments. In short, she was a little scared.

She told me she had never really had a attachment before and really didn't want to ruin our friendship. There was no bad blood or anger or anything of the sort. I didn't overreact and didn't beg for sympathy or anything, but I am clearly sad/depressed/confused. We have talked a bit just normally, and I get the feeling she is a tad depressed herself and I guess she misses me a bit as well. But she is wrapped up in studies for the SAT at the moment and is in the midst of a very stressful week... The both of us are, really.

I'm really unsure what I should do... if anything. I care about her and I think the relationship had potential. I feel conflicted on what I should do because I don't want to pursue her and make an *** out of myself and ruin things. But I feel like I should say something... I want to convince her that there's nothing to be afraid of and that we should try again. But I don't want to pressure her or do something stupid. But I want to know the stinger too... Should I give up and just stay friends with her? She told me she didn't want to ruin our friendship. I don't want to either. But "The Dreamer" in me wants to try again, and to convince her (without hurting her) that there is something good in loving somebody and she shouldn't be afraid. It feels realistic to me.

Anyway, I'm sorry for troubling you folks and I hope someone can give me some advice... Thank you for reading...
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1 Response Nov 26, 2012

Well I have a couple outlooks on this, being female myself..
1. She could have dated you and realised she really just liked being your friend.
2. She has strict parents that don't want her dating you.. she broke up with you because they could have made her and she just doesn't wish to tell you that ( i have a friend who has done so because of stricts parents and it ate her inside )
or 3. She really could run from feelings and doesnt want to let herself love you.
But i am female and I strongly think it wouldnt be the 3rd. Its either she liked u better as a friend or she broke up with you because she was forced too.. You said you think her parents are really strict and normally people are waaaaaay worse then and outsider lookin in even realises.

Thats appropriate, if she does care for you and love you.. i do feel if it was her parents she will eventually come around.. her parents cant make her not love and care for you. so if she does she will be back

Sure , whats your question ?

If you love her, then yes I would. I would risk a friendship if I was in love with someone anyday. Someone else could possibly give you a different answer, but it really seems like you really want to be with her. So I'd say give it everything you have to make that happen.