Teens

I'm sure their are many parents out there who have been faced with this yourself..So, I need some advice. I love being a mother and feel that Iam a good mother, but one thing that I know that I am missing is my children full, and true respect. I do let them walk on me from time to time, and let them argue a point with me as well. I also know that as much as I have brought them up with morals and values, they know that they have me.  I have two sons, one 13 the other 11. I want more children one day perhaps but know I second guess if I really deserve to have more. Ok, perhaps deserve is not the word, but being a good mother is knowing that you are showing them all the things they need to be the person THEY want to be. I have gone through a divorce, and had to be both mom and dad, which was a hard time in my life, but I am still standing. The problem is I am led by guilt. I do not buy my children, but what I do do is let them express themselves the way they need or feel they do, by giving them there own voice. That to me is important. The right to free speech. They are not allowed to use cursive language etc in my home nor hit etc... but I am realizing and seeing things that really even though they see me as a saftey net, and a parent that will love them unconditionally no matter what, the respect is thrown out the window as they will sit there and argue with me. One thing I find hard to do, and I don't know why is to, say straight up, I am not having this conversation until you talk to me with a calm, cool and respective manner. How do I demand respect without feeling like I am being a bad mother, or pushing my children away. They are influenced by many people, one being their father who has the stand point of hit first ask questions later. This is not me. I will not allow my children to be violent etc..I just feel frustrated and alone at times, as if my children are slipping out of my mothering hands of love......

LadyDove LadyDove
31-35
4 Responses Feb 24, 2009

YOU HAVE BEEN A GOOD MOTHER/FATHER. YES YOUR CHILDREN WILL SLIP AWAY AS THEY GROW UP. BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.... AND LOVE YOU..<br />
SEE YA!!!

Thank you. I appreciate everyone advice and I am trying hard to give my children the space, and growth that they need, as well as stay firm to be the MOTHER not the friend, although tough, I stand my ground and demand respect. That is my biggest thing to instill that in my children, respecting others and treat others as you want to be treated.

Thank you. Trust me I know they are testing me! It just hurts sometimes, and I know that is the way they are getting me too. I know that I am the Safe Parent that is why they are testing me. As they can be themselves without stress etc..when they are with me and not there father, therefore I know they are trying to test me, and push my button's. grrr!

When you are "mother" and YOU are doing your part like demanding respect, then it's irrelevant to even ponder if you are being a "bad" mother. Don't try to be the friend first. That coolness will get you into trouble. I have seen it quite enough times. Nobody is perfect at raising a child, better yet raising 2. So all you can do is try your best and do what you can. Don't feel that you are being too harsh when you have to lay down the law. Although you have to be careful not to over do it and be too into it because it can backfire. Try this the next time...In the heat of an argument as it starts to get hot, just look them in the eyes and say "SON I LOVE YOU Verry much! This will get them...My mom did this with me and my brother growing up. It would drive us to tears. This reminds me of kind of like being a chef. Anyone can cook by reading a recipe. But when you KNOW and cook something with your pinch of this and a smidgen of that then most of the time the result comes out perfect.