How Do I End A Marraige On Good Terms?

I also am dealing with what a lot of you are. Only I've been married 3 times now and the first one only lasted 2 years. I found out he was a child molester and thank goodness, I got out before we had kids. The second one was about 2 1/2 years. He was very controlling, tried to be my father and always belittled me. I started to HATE him after about 6 months of marriage, but we ended up with a daughter together. I ended it when she was a little over a year old. My third is going on 5 year now. I ended up pregnant after being together just a year and swore I would not get married just because I was pregnant, there was a lot of things I didn't agree with that he did and certainly didn't want my kids around. I wanted to wait and see if he would change. His family pushed and pushed until i caved and with-in 4 months of finding out I was pregnant, we got married. I am the type of person that if pushed to hard I give up and just hide, let things happen as they will. Well, we are married and at first it was ok, but he was a major drunk and pot smoker. I hated it and would tell him over and over. He would say he was quitting but never did. I didn't want my girls to be raised in that as I am from a very country, down to earth, christian family and I didn't want a "wild" family. Over the last 5 years, he has slowed his drinking down to almost none, although I never know when he is gonna go overboard again, he has stopped smoking his pot in front of me and I only catch him once in awhile and I know he loves me and my girls soooo much, but I feel like I was forced into this and there is no way for me to ever be happy! I have tried to talk to him about things and he always puts it back on me, telling me how he has changed so much for me, what more do I expect of him. I know it would kill him if I left, but I know I also deserve to be happy. I am becoming depressed, irritable, harder on my girls and I know it's not fair to them. He spends all our money on his toys so we are barley able to pay bills and that eats at me too. I am a stay at home mom with my own photography business and I don't want to give that up, but I know I will have to and have made arrangements to go as smoothly as possible. I want to remain friends and be able to do things together with our daughter. I do love the guy as a friend and don't want to see him hurting. I don't know how to tell him...that it's my issue. I don't know where to start. My instinct, what I've done in the past was just run...I don't want to do that this time cause I don't want there to be tension and hurt between us. He won't understand and that kills me. Any of you have any ideas for me?
chrissy8953 chrissy8953
31-35, F
Aug 9, 2010