My Boyfriend's Ex

I'm going to leave out the whole complicated story, just know that my relationship in somewhat in danger due to my boyfriend's ex girlfriend to whom he feels responsible for. He is from out of the country, as is she. When we met at college, he had been dating her long distance for the past 2 years. So he broke up with her to date me. Now, a year later, he says that he's gonna just give her the time that she "deserves" and then break it off with her for real so that he can marry me and we can move to live in his home country. He says that he's in love with me, whereas with her he just feels guilty. Well, he's been giving her "her time" for the past few months now as he's graduated college and back in his home country. I have been trying to get him to come to a more definitive decision. He says that he is going to make our relationship work, but that he is not 100% sure that it's gonna work out and that he "might" end up marrying her, despite what he wants. So now I think that it's time for more me to be more invasive. I want to directly contact his ex girlfriend and explain my end of the situation. I want to be as gentle and understanding as possible with her, while still asserting my relationship with him. How can I best do this?


P.S. If this is confusing, I'd be happy to elaborate. I just really need help here.

timitsu timitsu
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 24, 2010

You are both right. I have been foolish. I gave him an ultimatum. I pray he pulls through.

As pathetic as it sounds, I'm just in love with him. When I'm with him, he just has such a way of making me feel special. I guess I should mention that when he got home after graduation, his ex had lost a lot of weight. She's about 5'2" and was about 85 lbs., so she's been playing the guilt card with him. And really, I feel somewhat guilty as well because I did basically steal her man (though I swear I made no moves until after he broke up with her, so it's not like we did anything behind her back). So I guess, I sympathize with her as well. It's obvious that she loves him, it's just that he love has been poisoned by despair. She knows that she's basically lost, so she's using everything that she has left. He's told her that he's not in love with her, but she wants so badly to be with him that it doesn't matter. I don't know if this will actually help, but I'm tired of just watching her torture him. It needs to come to an end so that we can all move on.