It's Been Seven Years... Can Someone Know What Love Is At Ten?

About seven years ago I fell in love with this guy, a boy then. I was ten and he three years older. It was the way he looked at me, and I know there was a connection there, I couldn't have imagined it. I still remember the day perfectly and I never remember anything. Anywho I never worked up the nerve to talk to him but we'd always look at each other. At first it felt like a game to me, I mean I was ten I didn't really know that much about boys. My parents were a tad protective. Year after year each time we saw each other the looks became more intense until I became uncomfortable. But not in a bad way, yet not in a good way. I realized I was falling for him and fast. One day I couldn't wait for him to make the first move so I did. I asked a friend to introduce us and this was a huge step for me at the time. I was about fifteen and very shy; more I had a bit of trust issue than shy some would say. We said hi and it was awkward actually but his eyes were amazing, I remember thinking that. Perhaps it was not the best place because it was over-crowded and I had to leave because of that.

We talked again, briefly after that, once until last year. It was camp and I spent the whole weekend to work up the nerve to talk to him alone for the first time. We did and there was that flow, you know the good kind of flow. So we kept talking on a social networking site until I couldn't stand it any longer. I told him I liked him but in a way that I was kind of saying say no because you'rewrecking my life. I regret not telling it to his face. As could be expected he wrote back saying he was flattered but I was too young for him. He didn't so no though.

Oh did I mention all through out camp he didn't stop staring at me with such passion. The only kind of passion that would give me the strength I needed to talkto him. It's been about a year and I still have the same feelings for him. Should I message him and hope to be good friends? Should I live my life in agony hoping one day I'll meet someone whom I will love half as much as I love him? Because I know I will never be able to completely abondon my feelings. PLEASE HELPP : I don't know what to do. After that happened last year I got depressed and felt it would be easier to die and have lived all my life with the hope of being with him then to go on and know I couldn't have the one man whom I've loved almost half as long as I have lived.

Any advice would help, and I've tried getting over him with someone eles but I cannot bring myself to use someone like that since my heart belongs to another.

- a desperate soul
rosette1793 rosette1793
18-21, F
Jul 12, 2010