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Abusive In-law

5CMy husband and I are high school sweethearts! We have a fairly good marriage. But his family has one big issue that causes problems. His sister is so spoiled! She is in her early 20s and has 2 kids and is about to get married. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and recently I threw her a shower and bachelorette party. I spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours to make it all perfect. As she is like my little sister. She started bossing people around. Being rude and eventually got mad at one of her other bridesmaids and tried to physically attack her and caused scratches and bruises on her own mother. When I later told her aS nicely as I could that she needed to apologize to her mother she then attacked me. Throwing me into a car and screaming horrible thing at me. I told her she was acting like a brat and to never lay her hands on me again and walked away. The next day she said she was sorry but I deserved it since I took someone elses side. I told her I would not be in her wedding or be her friend until she gets help to deal with her anger issues! My husband did tell her she was wrong and owes me an apology. Thus is also not the first time she has verbally attacked me. If I don't give her her way she tells me I would be nothing with out her brother. And that I'm lazy for being a stay at home mom. But so is she. For some reason I feel guilty for dropping out of her wedding like I am betraying my husband. My husband just says he wishes we could get along. But I think my sis in law needs to learn she can't treat people this way! And I need to stand up for my self! And my father in law is the oned who pulled her off me and he pretends it never happened but is mad me for calling her spoiled. Did I do something wrong in how I'm handeling this? Am I betraying my husband?
standingherground standingherground 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 1, 2011

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I dont think you did anything wrong, people cant help but to react to things.. andi dont think you are betraying your husband, but i can see how you feel that way. My advice would be to hold your head up high and act as if she doesnt get to you. you say she bosses you around , and talks down to you, but people can only do that if you let them. dont try to tell her all about herself especially while shes mad or after she makes you mad. it will only work her up more and you get nowhere either, nothing you say will get through to her im sure.. youd had to just be a witness of kindness and love, show her you dont have time for her stupidity. imagine how stupid she would look if next time she made a rude comment you just looked at her and smiled and said something like 'hey no need to be rude/chill out' something nice but condescending, make her feel like an ***. it might make her think or embarass her and she might start thinking twice.. if she knows she gets to you it only makes her feel better, and feeds her ego, and i dont see her stopping until you give up and leave and then she wins..and where does that leave you? shes still a ***** and now you dont have your husband. Maybe dont vent too much to your husband either. Show him your character is strong and that your going to be nice to her even though shes a complete *****. Because no matter how much he loves you, people are still torn when it comes to family, and he might not know what to think sometimes.. it puts him in an awkward spot too, is he on his sisters side or his wifes side? theres no in between and he might get mad eventually being stuck on the fence. If you got nothing from this maybe try and remember that you CANT change people, and trying to force change only hinders it and causes anger and resentment.. shes going to be who she is regardless of what you say or dont say.