I Think I Might Be Developing Bulimia? What Do I Do?

I really don’t know what to do... I started to make myself throw up only about three weeks ago, and already, I can’t stop myself. Every time I eat, I just want to cry, because it makes me feel so fat and ashamed of myself, that I have to then throw it up afterwards. I do this about twice a day, even when I don’t purge, I still feel the desperate need to do it, and so I don’t put on weight.

I am trying to stop myself from doing it and am seriously trying to eat three meals a day, but even today; I just ate a piece of toast for breakfast and I feel physically sick. Just from eating that, I get the sensation that I have eaten a huge meal – this just makes me feel fatter and gives me the urge to throw it up.

What is particularly bothering me is that it is affecting my revision and school work. I have my GCSEs in less than two weeks and all I can think of at the moment is food and exercising. I really need to do well in these exams, as I have worked really hard and I don’t think I would ever get over it if I didn’t do by best, because of this.

Also, my friend was diagnosed with anorexia late last year – it was horrid seeing her get put into rehab and it seriously affected me and my two best friends, to the point where we were crying every night. I now feel like a hypocrite, because I’m affectively going down a similar route and it was all self inflicted. I can’t let down my friends and family, I’d be too ashamed.

But the thing is, it has only been a few weeks since I started to throw up my food, so it can’t be that bad? All I want it to feel good about my body, but I have eaten healthily and exercised all my life and that just doesn’t seem to be enough. What else can I possibly do?
 
Danixx96 Danixx96
13-15
3 Responses May 7, 2012

My twin older sisters used to be a little like this, They are now 18 in year 13 but when they were going to do their GCSE's in year 10 they started to get panicky and started freaking out a little... This meant going through what you have, they weren't fat at the time nor stick thin. They both put on a weeny bit of weight due to puberty and this made them despise their bodies and themselves. You have to learn that you have to respect you body, give it what it needs whether it is 3 meals a day or a healthy amount of exercise. My sisters just drank tons of water and it seemed to help them a little, because that made them hungry and they started eating properly again! And on the day of their GCSE's they did brilliant because they ate the perfect amount of food so they received a whopping 18 A*... so just relax a little and let loose.... drink a lot of water and trust me you'll be fine!!!

I can't tell you that I know exactly what you are going through, but I have self harmed for years, and I know how hurting yourself sometimes is NOT a choice...It's a compulsion, and once you've started down that path it's a slippery slope...it's good to hear that you eat a healthy diet and exercise, that shows you are dedicated to your health <3 So you need to realize that you are going to really hurt your health if you don't get help with a possible eating disorder. I know you will feel like a hypocrite, but your friends don't need to hear about it. It's awesome that you are recognizing this early, you really need to get help before things get worse. Can you talk to your parents? A doctor? Just reach out to someone, no one will be ashamed of you, you are being very responsible. Good luck.

Can you talk to your parents about this? If its to hard to talk to them maybe write them a letter about it? Or the school nurse,teacher? Somehow someway you need an adult to help you with this. Before it gets worse.I hope you get better soon.