Daddy IssuesEver since I was 7 my step-dad was emotionally abusive, and was someone who was very quick to get angry. Even over little minor things, like accidently dropping a cup while washing the dishes and it breaking. I was honestly scared of him my whole life. And to this day if someone yells, it brings back terrible memories, and I start feeling incredibly anxious and nervous.Throughout 15 years of living with him, I can't honestly say that he ever once told me he loved me, nor had he ever given me a hug. I would try and hug him, to try and form a relationship with him, but I gave up at the age of 11. My biological father I have never met, I am 18 soon to be 19. I was told by several family members that he was extremely physically abusive, and mentally unstable. So this is where my problem begins, and I would genuinely appreciate any advice because I don't know who to talk to about this.
I will be starting my Sophomore year of college in a couple months, and I would love more than anything to have a healthy, long-term committed relationship with a guy. However, I just internally freak out when a guy tries to get close to me. I've had a few guys try and kiss me this past year, but I just can't do it. I always turn my head, even though I really want to. I had my first kiss this year, yes, at the age of 18. This might sound weird but I don't know how to let a man love me, and it scares me. I want to get over this, this is a big problem. I'm not close to anyone, except my one best friend who I've known for 13 years. I can't even kiss someone I really like, without turning my head and dodging them. And it's not even their fault...it's mine. And I feel so awful, because I feel like I drag a guy through hell. I want to change. I don't want to be like this anymore. I realize this is a fear I have to get over, and not all guys are bad like the father figures I have had. Do you think it would be a good idea to try therapy, or counseling? Please help me.