Nothing Seems To Go Not A Single Thing.

I had a very disconnected family. If we didn't have entertainment, they would entertain themselves with an argument. Generally a violent one. My family singled me out on a daily basis. My father is an alchoholic, and i presume will be until his liver implodes. And my mother is a junkie. I felt alone during my childhood, and that feeling has carried over into adulthood. I had to raise my siblings...but my parents eventually turned them against me. All my family either wont talk to me, or has moved a long distance away and left no number or address. My friends have all moved away to college and leading successful lives. My friends that reside in my town only contact me to sell me something, or to borrow money, or for me to benefit them is some form/fashion. I am living with a co-worker and his girlfriend who loves to start drama...i feel very close to being homeless based on hear-say. My life has been on a downward slope for a very, very long time. Everything i once loved or enjoyed doing seems pointless. I was once a bright young man. Most likely to succeed in middle school, straight A's throughout school. Teachers always told me that i was the top of the class. I've not even looked at going to college, due to major financial problems. I have no car, or license so travel means would be impossible.

People also love to take advantage of me. My parents kept me around until i ran out of money (ive been employed since i was thirteen), and then kicked me out at age sixteen. I lived with my aunt for two years...until i didnt have the money for rent one week. I slept under a bridge for two weeks until i found a job at a factory. I found a friend from work to room with and here i sit. Nineteen, alone, and consistently overwhelmed.

The thing that bothers me the most is that I go out of my way on a daily basis to help people. I live by the golden rule. I believe that I am a moral, ethically sound, and genuinely good person. I give money to friends, and when i feel used, offer help in other ways. And that's when i start to lose them. I don't start off giving free money to anyone who will be my friend, but I trust people after an amount of time. And it seems whenever I need to trust someone, they break it. I am not respected at work, at home, by friends, family...and pretty much anyone else i come into contact with. I don't understand why. I do everything I can to command just the slightest amount of respect, to no avail.

I am in desperate need of advice/council/help.

needmotivation1393 needmotivation1393
18-21, M
2 Responses May 17, 2012

Be careful who you trust very careful. You said you were once a bright person you still are! That never goes away! Seeing a counselor is a good idea. Maybe getting a job saving your money. Don't tell no one you have any money! If they ask for money say no! Learn to say no! Don't be a door mat any more! Saying no doesn't make you a bad person. If they are a TRUE friend they will accept your no. They will love you even if your broke. Even if you say no I have no money to give you. And find some new friends who don't ask for money. Friendship is not about money. Yes true friends are hard to find. Sorry you had all that happen to you and wish you all the best!

Have you considered seeing a counselor? Just expressing and getting everything off your chest to someone who is willing to listen and give you advice will really help. Also, maybe just try focusing on yourself for now - don't worry about trying to help others, just for a little while. Make yourself number one; focus on you first. I'm not too good at giving advice with something like this, but it's something. I hope things work out for you!